Tag: humor

Sabbatical. I am a writer.

I adore my life, I dislike my time management skills. The creative mind seems to be the antitheses of structure. My brain is like a ping pong game of puppies, kids, big 'phat' words that cascade through my brainwaves, betwixt strongly worded Drake-Minaj lyrics as I am run with my head phones JAMMMED into my synapses.

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Read more Sabbatical. I am a writer.

I do not need your approval.

From day one, I learned that approval of other humans meant goodness and disapproval meant soul-crushing unworthiness.  Mark Zuckerburg made a multi-billion dollar company off the approval  concept, that stems back to notes in class; “Do you like me? check – yes or no.” Many bloggers are making a ton of money by controversially polarizing…

Read more I do not need your approval.

give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

A Pharmaceutical Haiku: As I drive thru for pick-up, I swiftly reach toward the tunnel of meds I place my grasp on a crinkly-gleaming white bag of scripts “Express pay please” I say, smiling with giddiness …. I bathe in the knowledge, Co-insurance hasn’t dawned it’s doom, a fire-breathing-loophole-face- palmed-mascara-smeared wack-a-mole-of-automated-phone services yet. I continue…

Read more give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

Target under 20 minutes. Less than $100. Used bags & coupons. Bomb-ass deal on Starbucks coffee. Resisted the urge to splurge at Ulta. Laundry NOT in procreation mode. Lived in the moment by guzzling said coffee down like gatorade while speed-reading Melodie Beattie  meditation book. Restrained from smooshy-face-furrowed-brow-syndrome-resting-bitch-face tantrum over malfunctioning  technology. Filled up gas…

Read more blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Based on this title, you are probably are saying to yourself, “Why do you have a Word-Press account if this is what writing feels like to you?”  I  do not know the answer. I know I LOVE writing. I know that my husband calls me the “computer murderer” so sufficed to say, the “dream-phone-analogy” answer…

Read more Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

if Facebook were a Woman.

If Facebook were woman TEXTING 1) did u see at that lump pic text? SHOULD I SEE A DR? 2) My meal is FANTASTIC, see!! steak-crab-cake-flamin-fusion with a lime-mint-jollyrancher blueberry-choclate-acai-gogi Berry-TINI. It’s FULL of antioxidants. 3)HI! I ATE A PIECE OF KALE! It tasted like a Carmel MACCHIATO, & I LOST 3 LBS & ran…

Read more if Facebook were a Woman.

Does your head hurt?

I just spent 1.5 hours on the inter webs researching the best face creams because the news is so unbelievably depressing, every sponsored ad on Facebook is how to get, stay or be HAWT for the damn Holidays  all while mastering the program of bolstering your Super Mom-treprenuer productivity by 70000% and Pin all “dis” on Pintrest. I…

Read more Does your head hurt?

The Smart Phone Conundrum.

We all have bad habits.  My worst habit (right now)  is thinking that if I “miss” something on my phone , the world might implode, as though, I’m an omnipotent-phone-puppet master.  There are some amazing benefits of smart phones, that have helped me tremendously in my life  I simply need to make a few tweaks…

Read more The Smart Phone Conundrum.

Social Media is like a bad ex.

Conversation I just had with my husband: Me: “Honey I’m having a ton of anxiety” Him: sigh Me: “look at this article on Facebook that shows a brain scan of a cocaine addict versus one of someone who ate sugar from this ‘Fed Up’ Page.” Him: “It’s  called marketing and SENSATIONALISM” Me: “But Katie Couric…

Read more Social Media is like a bad ex.

I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.  I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and  loquacious Scrappie Momma………..   Logan and…

Read more I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

Technology is my Kryptonite

Specifically, wordpress, computers as a people and automated services. 1) Yesterday, I couldn’t type on my computer. Its connected (??) VIA wireless mouse and keyboard because my husband thinks he’s Jack Bauer and I’m his hot side kick. I hate wireless attachments because THERE ARE NO WIRES TO FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM. Ask me. Yes.…

Read more Technology is my Kryptonite

Arts Night & Toilet Snakes

My morning started with this text to my husband. I’m sorry if its #tmi as the hipster kids say, but I write what I know. Seriously? I haven’t even had my breakfast and my sister stayed over so the coffee is so strong I was so jittery I could barely snake the toilet, or ter~lit…

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Collateral Damage

I can have ENTIRE FULL BLOWN ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF, in my brain where no one wins, except the furrowed wrinkled crevice on my forehead. It can be as simple as deciding what type of cereal to have for breakfast: “Should I have this cereal, it is non~ gmo?” “But why don’t my kids like it”…

Read more Collateral Damage

Slammin

My slamming poetry. Pictures seem to do well on word press. Most of my blogs have zero pictures and are so damn long.  I think im trying to hard on too many venues of technology and social media. I need to own one of those blog cabins where someone waits on you hand and foot…

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