Category: humorous

ADHD thoughts while Running

I started running in the ninth grade. We had to run one mile for Physical Education and I think it took me thirty minutes. I remember being one of the last people to finish and I still remember the look of haughty disdain from the Physical Education teacher. I was a teeny tiny thing with…

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blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

Target under 20 minutes. Less than $100. Used bags & coupons. Bomb-ass deal on Starbucks coffee. Resisted the urge to splurge at Ulta. Laundry NOT in procreation mode. Lived in the moment by guzzling said coffee down like gatorade while speed-reading Melodie Beattie  meditation book. Restrained from smooshy-face-furrowed-brow-syndrome-resting-bitch-face tantrum over malfunctioning  technology. Filled up gas…

Read more blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Based on this title, you are probably are saying to yourself, “Why do you have a Word-Press account if this is what writing feels like to you?”  I  do not know the answer. I know I LOVE writing. I know that my husband calls me the “computer murderer” so sufficed to say, the “dream-phone-analogy” answer…

Read more Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Georgia has Menopause.

Weather in Georgia. For the day. “where are my flip flops??” “hats. we all need big fluffy hats today” “will someone PLEASE open the windows?” “my feet are FREEZING, honey will you fetch me some socks from the singles, sock pile. I’m too cold to get up or try to match socks.” “I’m sweating from…

Read more Georgia has Menopause.

Baby SideBurns made me do it…

This blog was spurred by her most recent Facebook post (www.facebook.com/BabySideburns)* AND, Austin Kleon did write a book called Steal Like an Artist and I’m following all his rules. I am not going to insert her Facebook post of the day because  I do not know how to footnote in the world of social media. …

Read more Baby SideBurns made me do it…

#thestruggleisreal

I find myself stopping a blog or discontinuing or not publishing because I am never quite sure how much information I should delve out there on the internet.   I think the struggle for me in writing (and in life) is with my indecisive nature and the good news it’s fueled some Jerry McGuire moments where…

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Free Your Mind

Shortest Blog ever by Scrappie Momma: I stopped counting the calories, I put the scale in the garage, I refuse to be addicted To this perfectionist mirage Everyday can be struggle Of “omg is this organic??” Bc every health article I read Seems to send me into a panic Health will ALWAYS be a part…

Read more Free Your Mind

I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.  I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and  loquacious Scrappie Momma………..   Logan and…

Read more I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

Why I love Sun Spots (& the Beach.)

10 reasons why I love the Beach. I’ll get right to it: 1) For the most part, anything goes and judgement is blown out to sea     Speedos. Thongs. Long Tshirts. Daisy Dukes. Sequins. Heels. Stilettos. Flats. Flops. Crocs. Bellies. Washboards.  Hawties. Grannies. Granbabbies. Snookies. Giselles. Toddlers. Teens. Dogs. Cats (I haven’t seen that yet….…

Read more Why I love Sun Spots (& the Beach.)

Do pistachios grow on cheese?

href=”https://scrappiemommareturns.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/wpid-wp-1396973103441.jpg”> “Do pistachios grow on tweese?” I ask my husband “On Cheese?” He responds Then we both bust out laughing. Except I’m snorting laughing, because I kept saying “Pistachio Cheese” in my head over and over and over. Seriously say it! Say it out loud, ten times right now. Oh yeah, people are most definitely,…

Read more Do pistachios grow on cheese?

Arts Night & Toilet Snakes

My morning started with this text to my husband. I’m sorry if its #tmi as the hipster kids say, but I write what I know. Seriously? I haven’t even had my breakfast and my sister stayed over so the coffee is so strong I was so jittery I could barely snake the toilet, or ter~lit…

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Till I collapse

Ill be a passionate, limited filter, motha-jogger, loud~mouthed, edgy, overprotective, fierce warrior, scrappy survivor till I collapse. And btw that song is my new fave jogging song , . I say jog because I don’t “run” anymore..so maybe I’m not that much of a bad ass.. ‘mae’ juzalil’ (maybe just a little…) I’m up with…

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The story of my life

Do not fret young padawans, I shant quote the lyrics from the riveting One Direction ballad. This is the story of my life and our life because ‘we country’. Seriously, you can take the people out of the country but you cannot force them to relinquish their country ways.   We, ok ok, I (just…

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Shake It Babey.

My husband told me my blogs are long. Good Lawd have mercy I have been working to keep them short but I am one long winded person because if you have read only a smidgen of my stuff , my brain is a hamster wheel on some really high quality hamster food. Im trying to…

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Collateral Damage

I can have ENTIRE FULL BLOWN ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF, in my brain where no one wins, except the furrowed wrinkled crevice on my forehead. It can be as simple as deciding what type of cereal to have for breakfast: “Should I have this cereal, it is non~ gmo?” “But why don’t my kids like it”…

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This IS MY JAM

THIS IS MY JAM Not lake tahoe because I have never been. I mean I’d LOVE to go and it probably would be my JAM if I went, but I can not falsely advertise that I went. This relic is one of those “my hubs went to a starbux in Tahoe and brought me home…

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Read more This IS MY JAM

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