Category: humor

Sabbatical. I am a writer.

I adore my life, I dislike my time management skills. The creative mind seems to be the antitheses of structure. My brain is like a ping pong game of puppies, kids, big 'phat' words that cascade through my brainwaves, betwixt strongly worded Drake-Minaj lyrics as I am run with my head phones JAMMMED into my synapses.

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A love letter to all Bods.

I was inspired to write this blog, amidst the Dad/Mom Bod phenomenon. When I turned 39, I decided it would be a fantastic  idea to break into the fitness industry. There was pressure to eat clean,  train lean and not be mean, while teaching fitness and testing the   the “21-Day-Restriction-I-might-Faint-Diet.”   It stimulated dysfunctional…

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Johnnie Cochran Summer

  For the stay at home mom of two mini-defense-trail-lawyers, summer is our “bottom-line-year-end-push” for the “Brush your bleeping HAIR & TEETH”, Law Firm. Our bonus is calculated in our ability to keep loss prevention to a minimum.  If we roll into the next school year with less than 15 new carpet stains, 7000 door…

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I do not need your approval.

From day one, I learned that approval of other humans meant goodness and disapproval meant soul-crushing unworthiness.  Mark Zuckerburg made a multi-billion dollar company off the approval  concept, that stems back to notes in class; “Do you like me? check – yes or no.” Many bloggers are making a ton of money by controversially polarizing…

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give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

A Pharmaceutical Haiku: As I drive thru for pick-up, I swiftly reach toward the tunnel of meds I place my grasp on a crinkly-gleaming white bag of scripts “Express pay please” I say, smiling with giddiness …. I bathe in the knowledge, Co-insurance hasn’t dawned it’s doom, a fire-breathing-loophole-face- palmed-mascara-smeared wack-a-mole-of-automated-phone services yet. I continue…

Read more give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

Target under 20 minutes. Less than $100. Used bags & coupons. Bomb-ass deal on Starbucks coffee. Resisted the urge to splurge at Ulta. Laundry NOT in procreation mode. Lived in the moment by guzzling said coffee down like gatorade while speed-reading Melodie Beattie  meditation book. Restrained from smooshy-face-furrowed-brow-syndrome-resting-bitch-face tantrum over malfunctioning  technology. Filled up gas…

Read more blurp # 2 ode to a modern day Dali Lama.

if Facebook were a Woman.

If Facebook were woman TEXTING 1) did u see at that lump pic text? SHOULD I SEE A DR? 2) My meal is FANTASTIC, see!! steak-crab-cake-flamin-fusion with a lime-mint-jollyrancher blueberry-choclate-acai-gogi Berry-TINI. It’s FULL of antioxidants. 3)HI! I ATE A PIECE OF KALE! It tasted like a Carmel MACCHIATO, & I LOST 3 LBS & ran…

Read more if Facebook were a Woman.

memories

It has been suggested that I write three pages of memories every day for my memoir. Here is an excerpt: My mom was a smokier, slightly less rested & less perkier version of Marilyn Monroe with sandy brown hair.  She had that sultry voice  that same pain in her eyes from mental illness on hypersonic…

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Georgia has Menopause.

Weather in Georgia. For the day. “where are my flip flops??” “hats. we all need big fluffy hats today” “will someone PLEASE open the windows?” “my feet are FREEZING, honey will you fetch me some socks from the singles, sock pile. I’m too cold to get up or try to match socks.” “I’m sweating from…

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Baby SideBurns made me do it…

This blog was spurred by her most recent Facebook post (www.facebook.com/BabySideburns)* AND, Austin Kleon did write a book called Steal Like an Artist and I’m following all his rules. I am not going to insert her Facebook post of the day because  I do not know how to footnote in the world of social media. …

Read more Baby SideBurns made me do it…

#thestruggleisreal

I find myself stopping a blog or discontinuing or not publishing because I am never quite sure how much information I should delve out there on the internet.   I think the struggle for me in writing (and in life) is with my indecisive nature and the good news it’s fueled some Jerry McGuire moments where…

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This VERY MOMENT

This quote “don’t need much splainin'” but I’m a writer so, ‘splainin’ is my business. I’m a messy perfectionist betwixt a swiss cheese layering of benevolent narcissism.   I struggle with thinking my best isn’t ever good enough (for who ?? See below) and as much as I try NOT TO,  I absolutely do compare myself…

Read more This VERY MOMENT

I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.  I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and  loquacious Scrappie Momma………..   Logan and…

Read more I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

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