Category: comedic writing

Puppy Prose

Puppy Prose : …..I shall tear through the soft people clothes wide-eyed and crazed… till I meet the soft (..the bigger humans more wrinkly and leathery) flesh.. until I hear loud shrieks of delight and fancy. …..I will snub the 345 fancy bacon flavored plastic bones in favor of that squishy, padded  thing my mom…

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A love letter to all Bods.

I was inspired to write this blog, amidst the Dad/Mom Bod phenomenon. When I turned 39, I decided it would be a fantastic  idea to break into the fitness industry. There was pressure to eat clean,  train lean and not be mean, while teaching fitness and testing the   the “21-Day-Restriction-I-might-Faint-Diet.”   It stimulated dysfunctional…

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I do not need your approval.

From day one, I learned that approval of other humans meant goodness and disapproval meant soul-crushing unworthiness.  Mark Zuckerburg made a multi-billion dollar company off the approval  concept, that stems back to notes in class; “Do you like me? check – yes or no.” Many bloggers are making a ton of money by controversially polarizing…

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Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Based on this title, you are probably are saying to yourself, “Why do you have a Word-Press account if this is what writing feels like to you?”  I  do not know the answer. I know I LOVE writing. I know that my husband calls me the “computer murderer” so sufficed to say, the “dream-phone-analogy” answer…

Read more Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

if Facebook were a Woman.

If Facebook were woman TEXTING 1) did u see at that lump pic text? SHOULD I SEE A DR? 2) My meal is FANTASTIC, see!! steak-crab-cake-flamin-fusion with a lime-mint-jollyrancher blueberry-choclate-acai-gogi Berry-TINI. It’s FULL of antioxidants. 3)HI! I ATE A PIECE OF KALE! It tasted like a Carmel MACCHIATO, & I LOST 3 LBS & ran…

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Georgia has Menopause.

Weather in Georgia. For the day. “where are my flip flops??” “hats. we all need big fluffy hats today” “will someone PLEASE open the windows?” “my feet are FREEZING, honey will you fetch me some socks from the singles, sock pile. I’m too cold to get up or try to match socks.” “I’m sweating from…

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The Smart Phone Conundrum.

We all have bad habits.  My worst habit (right now)  is thinking that if I “miss” something on my phone , the world might implode, as though, I’m an omnipotent-phone-puppet master.  There are some amazing benefits of smart phones, that have helped me tremendously in my life  I simply need to make a few tweaks…

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Have you found me?

I feel like my brain is in this perpetual world of trying to find myself. A writer?  A blogger?  A stream of conscious writer-murderer?  A compound-sentence destroyer?  A mother? A wife? A sister?  A daughter?   A maid?  A laundry avoid-er?* A celebrity factoid expert? A closet wanna-be-back-up dancer for Missy Elliot? A Nae Nae-dance-you-tube-watcher?…

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Mark Wahlberg made me do it.

let me break it down:  1) Armageddon of arts, crafts & !$@## . this pic doesn’t do it justice. I dumped it all downstairs & hubby turned on a Mark Wahlberg movie THEN he cut me off from  Markie mark because I was just sitting in a pile of art supplies with my mouth gaped…

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#thestruggleisreal

I find myself stopping a blog or discontinuing or not publishing because I am never quite sure how much information I should delve out there on the internet.   I think the struggle for me in writing (and in life) is with my indecisive nature and the good news it’s fueled some Jerry McGuire moments where…

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10 things I need.

Yeah, I know monks live without stuff, but if you know my writing at all, I  am somewhat facetious so please do not take every word I write, seriously! YES, I do write some serious stuff, but my main goal is to make people LAUGH LAUGH AND LAUGH, be inspired and not take themselves so…

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Free Your Mind

Shortest Blog ever by Scrappie Momma: I stopped counting the calories, I put the scale in the garage, I refuse to be addicted To this perfectionist mirage Everyday can be struggle Of “omg is this organic??” Bc every health article I read Seems to send me into a panic Health will ALWAYS be a part…

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I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.  I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and  loquacious Scrappie Momma………..   Logan and…

Read more I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

Technology is my Kryptonite

Specifically, wordpress, computers as a people and automated services. 1) Yesterday, I couldn’t type on my computer. Its connected (??) VIA wireless mouse and keyboard because my husband thinks he’s Jack Bauer and I’m his hot side kick. I hate wireless attachments because THERE ARE NO WIRES TO FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM. Ask me. Yes.…

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