I just read a blog about how French Parenting is superior to American Parenting. According to this article* . We give our children too many snacks and try too damn hard.
As I’m writing this, I’m staring at my Snack Arsenal from Target and my kids had Pringles for dinner, and maybe breakfast. (Its summer break here, so calm down). I’m officially over parenting comparisons, Mommy Wars and juxtaposition of the working versus stay at home parent. Seriously, It’s gone European Viral now.
Here is a snapshot of my wildly spoiled indulgent American Parenting. I wouldn’t change it for every baguette or hot buttered croissant in France and I freaking love French pastries.
1) My son came up stairs while I was half asleep and said “Hey Mom, watch this ” and blew a Spitball at me.
“Isn’t it cool, I made a Spitball machine out of all the straws and tissue in the house” as he wipes his nose on his sleeve.
2) My daughter woke me up in the dead of sleep by coughing into my face. “Mommy I have a bad cough. fix me”
3) Operation Treadmill Explosion is our version of the Bourne Identity.
My son put my exercise core ball thingy on the treadmill , hit the highest mileage and elevation , until it exploded into core bits. I will NEVER have that six pack of ‘mommy abs’ now
4) My kids hide their dirty clothes with masterful deception rather than just placing them in the dirty laundry hamper. I’m pretty sure French kids do their own laundry while singing French camp songs.
5) Screen Time. I don’t set limits. It works itself out for the most part.
6) I miss my kids when they are at school but I have full -blown-splotched –chest-panic-attacks when I think about snow days and summer breaks. Apparently the French are just relaxed about everything and everyone when it comes to parenting. Isn’t the word anxiety a derivative of a French word? Googled it. 16th century France ya’ll.
7) Stomach viruse day is always on “French-anti-Snack Day” which means they ate full meals and the all messy home-cooked-bathed-in-acid-non-snack food, ends up on the one clean spot of carpet or my head. French will-away stomach viruses with their philosophical views or they catch the vomit in their berets.
8) My kids think kleenex and general hygiene is kryptonite for their soul. Isn’t the word handkerchief French?
9) American Children recognize their power in numbers. French children quietly make cupcakes while their parents work.
10) American children dance when they eat and they dance on their food like it’s prey. If they don’t like the food , they don’t eat the food and fully express their complete whiny American admonishment for any meal I put- ‘le-petite’ – effort into, especially if it’s French-ish themed like homemade ‘pomme-frites’.
I love my American Parenting style and every parenting expert advice article I see on the internet is met with the glaring whites of my eyes. Yes, that sounds pretty haughty and bourgeoisie (which I just Googled spelling), or ‘bougee’ as we Americans say about people who “try too hard” to elevate their “social class”.
In conclusion, Please insert some philosophical french retort here as all my snack-eatin’ time has french-fried the recesses of my brain which houses four years of French class.
Cest Tout Chiennes.
*French Parenting blog:
This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.