From day one, I learned that approval of other humans meant goodness and disapproval meant soul-crushing unworthiness. Mark Zuckerburg made a multi-billion dollar company off the approval concept, that stems back to notes in class; “Do you like me? check – yes or no.” Many bloggers are making a ton of money by controversially polarizing people against one another, faster than Dr Phil can rattle off a cliché during Family Feud.
My need for society’s or social media’s approval has taken up too much rent-free space in my Rolodex imagination. I no longer wish to take hellish business trips into the vicissitudes of my multiple inferiority complexes.
Listed below are ten things I am going relinquish and cast out from my rent-free brain, to free up more space for watching “Walking Dead” marathons, because that is some uplifting television. In five years or even five minutes, my approval rating will not matter and it’s only important to me, my family and those who truly care for me.
1) Catering my writing and posts for more “likes” and “comments.” Obviously I want to engage people in my writing and connect with people. On the flip side, It’s selfish act, because its therapeutic and its a great way for me to practice self-care and hopefully along the way, I am inspiring people or making people snort milk out of there nose with laughter. However I am not going to tie my identity and self-worth into lack of engagement or cruel comments. It’s truly not worth my time.
2) Taking Facebook off my smart phone. I do like Facebook. I do like staying in touch with people. I love seeing friends and family and funny bird dancing videos. I don’t like feeling like I need to check in on Facebook all the (insert string of profanity here) time. It’s a great social tool, period end of story. I need a break from it being on my phone, because I absorb everything I read and sometimes it’s just too much for my spongy brain. If I had been fancy with the numbers, I would have been a mathematical genius.
3) Ending this incessant need to feel like I need to’ like’ and ‘comment’ on everything I see on Facebook so no-one feels left out or unworthy. (the flip of #1) I know right? I am not a ego maniac, but # 3 begs to differ, maybe it’s ego doing a doughnut in reverse? I am also not Facebook’s Mom. I will say, this behavior stems from knowing deep down, what it feels like to be left out, teased, bullied , and cast aside, I do not wish that for anyone, even my “frenemies” ;), I can’t save the world and definitely not through Facebook.
3) Agreeing with people because I do not want to defend my opinion because I do not think my opinion or my thought process is valid.
4) Taking on other people’s sadness or bull$h^!, like I am their therapist. I will ‘Melodie Beattie’ my co-dependency habits right on out the door. I wonder if Melodie knows, she is now a verb in my life.
5) Saying ‘No’ to activities I can not pursue and say yes to honoring my own commitments to myself and my family.
6) Putting my ‘Stay at Home Mom Guilt’ in a giant trash bag, setting it in the trash, lighting the trash on fire and busting out “The Dougie” while that guilt fades away. I have nothing to feel guilty about, other moms working to support their family HAS NOTHING TO DO with my family’s decision for me to be a stay at home mom.
7) Resisting the urge to flip my lid when someone provides unsolicited feedback. That is all their business, luggage, skeletons and carry-baggage, not mine. #byefelicia.
8) Purposely trying to cut people out of my life that honestly care about me as a person. That’s even hard for me to type, so the walls may never reach the foundation and I am accepting of my protective nature. I am trying to be less of a military-black-ops-bad-ass with my emotions. I’m not fighting a war against feeling my emotions anymore.
9) Heeding any attention on my perception on how people “judge me”. We all do it. I want to do it less, and care less when people do it to me.
10) Feeling like I should not blog or be a writer because Word Press makes me blotchy and scratchy because I am allergic the “hyperlinks and widgets.” Feeling “less than” other writers, because I did not go to graduate school, or I am not smart enough or I’m too old, or my blog is not pretty enough , or I can not upload cool pictures of cool people doing cool things in GIF format. I’m not writing for children. I will stop feeling like I “need” to write because I am a Stay at Home Mom and I need bellow out my productivity statistics in order to justify my existence and relevance. I’m writing for myself.
10a) Feeling like I need to profusely swear in my writing to be more “relevant”. I agree, it makes for some humorous reading and I think Huff PO even said, utilizing profanity is a sign of intelligence.. (I truly think some of their pieces are a…. “Hey boss, watch me post this blog and see the internet explode..) but nonetheless, It’s just not who I am as a person. I save all my profanity for Atlanta roads.I do not need your approval for my life. I do not need to justify my actions to anyone other than God and my family. I do not owe anyone, anything (well maybe the bank and stuff). I think Salt and Peppa said it best “There is only one true judge, and that’s God so chill, and let my Father do his work. ..my side note (please insert whoever your God or Higher Power etc, with the Salt and Pepper rhyme, do not turn my last sentence into a religious debate ..xo)
This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.