I am both relieved and saddened that I have more energy when I am not exercising as if I’m in the Cross Fit Reebox commercial. As much as I have that badassery within the tire-flippin’ part of my brain, I have to quiet the competitive need to burn as many calories as everyone I see on Facebook. Or Run as many miles.
Or plank as many minutes .
Or break my gammies antique stools. from trying to do Yoga Handstands.
or bake as many super food power protein Chia seeded coconut ed non GMO cheese it free pancakes.
Moderation comes as easy to me as social boundaries come to Kayne West. I never learned moderation and I only knew how to live within the extreme manifests of my soul. I was only living when I was burning all 60 wicks of the candle.
Now, I am most at peace with my soul , when I find fulfillment in the concept of “I am Enough”. This concept is NOT to be confused with stagnation and complacency, it only means that I can feel more peace by striving for less competition between me and who?,
The younger version of myself?
The Career mom?
The Organic mom?
The perfect chocolate chip cookie mom?
The Intellectual mom?
The Mom who isn’t scared of 50 shades of Grey?
No, I am NOT labeling other moms, I am labeling what I PERCEIVE myself to be in my doe-eyed quest for that healthy recipe with the perfect flu fighting antioxidants….
my quest to feel whole.
my quest to scream “I HAVE A JOB!!!”
my quest to fight against the proverbial chameleon mold-fitting stereotype of jello molded suburbia.
my quest to not feel like I’m schizophrenic – ally split between mom. wife. friend. sister. daughter. mean mom. nice mom. inconsistent mom. messy mom. clean mom.
I’m going to try and “blurp” 3x a week, without giving an “eff” about grammar..verb agreement. & opinions. word count. and just “write”.
This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.