I feel like my brain is in this perpetual world of trying to find myself. A writer? A blogger? A stream of conscious writer-murderer? A compound-sentence destroyer? A mother? A wife? A sister? A daughter? A maid? A laundry avoid-er?* A celebrity factoid expert? A closet wanna-be-back-up dancer for Missy Elliot? A Nae Nae-dance-you-tube-watcher?
I know it’s all about balance , but the internet and “advice columns” and the such, make you feel like their is something wrong with you if your not chasing success driven opportunities like a thirteen year old chasing down the band members of One Direction. We all can’t be elite or at the top of our game all day, everyday; yet society will not let you get away at thinking this simple thought even for a second.
For me, success is doing something everyday to help people feel better about themselves through my writing and daily interactions. (even if it’s a tiny act of kindness) .. And maybe try to knock out the ‘Nae Nae’ from time to time when I finally do get around to folding and putting away laundry. Above all, I absolutely chase a sense of inner peace completely absent of anxiety, more than I chase society’s definition of success. True serenity crashes against the grain of today’s modern woman. Therefore, there is this perpetual tug of war in my brain “to get it all done, SON” and “Its OK to hit the wrinkle shield button several times”
Through my daily readings/ interactions and even from myself, I find one common theme, especially with woman. We are failing at something. ( our weight, our bodies, our career, our marriage, our life , our eating habits) or they are working so hard to keep it all together and stay fifty steps ahead of everyone else that they do not seem to have time to enjoy life or a bowl of ice cream without feeling guilty because they have ingested “empty calories”. – (Whoever came up with the term ’empty calories???’)
I find that when there is insurmountable pressure to be the best or act our best 100% of the time, this carves the way for some very dark, lonely days with the shades drawn like a vampire, eating ice cream and feeling guilty because you did not choose the bowl of undressed super food kale. (I had a lady verbally give me the recipe for an OIL FREE dressing that she puts on her Kale , I was like WHAT IS THE POINT?, but I smiled and nodded because I know all to well the feeling of trying to stay inside the rigid guidelines of what a 43 woman should or should not enjoy for food on a daily basis.)
In this journey of trying to find MYSELF, my purpose in life, I have decided that my two goals in writing especially, is to 1) make people LAUGH 2) inspire people to feel enough with who they are at the core (this does not mean “never change”, this means inspire people to accept their strengths and their flaws and make changes to improve their overall mental and physical health as THEY HAVE decided, not decided by society).
Lists of 5 or 10 things do well in the blogging sphere because it helps center people on certain topics that they can relate too individually or pull them together in commonality. Without further ado, Here are ten funny “things” that have happened lately to invoke laughter and inspire you to be yourself, laugh at yourself and not beat yourself up for making mistakes or being less than perfect:
My husband and I went to NYC with some friends. It was awesome (I would write a travel blog on my adventures, but (a) I do not do well at loading pictures( b) I am not a travel blogger, and you would be asleep by now). …BUT I do like to tell funny stories about traveling so my first 6 funnies will be from this trip:
- I did not even blink or bat an eye in confusion when my friend suggested that we visit Alcatraz when we visited the Statue of Liberty. And I have been to San Fran. So I should know that Alcatraz is not on the East Coast. I was like “OMG LET”S DO THAT!”
- It was in the mid 80s (end of September) and even though I checked the weather, I still brought coats, boots and heavy sparkly jeans. I was hot. I made a hurried purchase at Express for cooler clothes, while the sales clerk sold me tons of stuff I did not need to stay cool for the next 24 hours, then I saw the look of “WTF ARE YOU DOING?” on my husband’s face and returned it all to the same sales clerk who was like “WTF ARE YOU DOING! YOU CRAZY TOURIST?”
- I love scones and I love NYC bakeries. Hell, I love bakeries. I was on a 24/7 mission to eat a scone at every bakery we walked past daily. And we walked a lot.
- I love Falafel. I kept saying “OMG I have got to get some Falafel from one of the street food vendors. But I was too full from eating scones every 35.5 seconds. So I come home form NYC and buy everything to make Falafel.
- I bought so many baked goods at a bakery that the New Yorker behind me asked if I was going on a picnic.
- I HAD to go running in Central Park just to say “I ran in Central Park!”. Even though my feet hurt and it felt like Georgia and I can run in the hot humid sun anytime I want in Georgia, I just had to go running in Central park. I barely made one mile and I was like “WTF ARE WE DOING? —————————————————————-Since I have been back from New York, here are funny mishaps:
- I left my journal at a pizza joint this week OVERNIGHT before I remembered the next day. I literally said (when I called to see if it was there) “I hope you guys didn’t sit around reading it.” Like I am a celebrity or something.
- Our orthodontics payment came out as “cash withdrawal” in a far away land and I PANICKED , and most certainly tried to convince the bank operator that someone was siphoning money from our account before she asked “Is there someone in your house who may have braces?” ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ok.
- I find that when I separate laundry, my categories have changed from the generic, lights, whites and other colors to “extremely smelly and dirty,”to “kind of dirty and smelly too”, “yes indeed, this pile can wait another week”
- When I get irritated, frustrated the song “Momma said Knock you Out” (LL COOL J) pops into my head and I am instantly calmed. I just hope the Dali Lama approves of this mediation tactic.
Bonus. I have the windows open and the air conditioning on and our downstairs closet door will not close because it’s full of flip flops and closed-toed-shoes. October is a confusing month.
* (apparently I had to make up the word avoid-er ecause the proper noun for a person who avoids things does not exist? or does it? I googl-ed “noun for avoiding things” and I broke Google. I guess googl-ed is not a word either. Maybe I should work for Websters and help beam new words from the annals of crazy suburban blogging into being.
This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.