It will always be a part of me

I am an exercise-bulimic survivor or anorexic survivor. I was labeled as both by the physicians and nutritionist that treated me during this dark time. These old demons come back sometimes subtly, sometimes fiercely. I also have other “isms” but today, for a short moment,  I will focus on this “minion-to-demon” creature that lies on a hammock in my brain.

The ONE truest thing I have learned about nutrition/food is do not believe the hype.  If it’s too “good” or too “bad” to be true, it probably is or is not the truth. The minute I “restrict” some “food” based on the newest “craze”, (I.e breads grains yes EVEN SUGAR!) is the the minute I go stark raving mad and end up eating more than I needed and eating from emotional pain. I would much rather have a peaceful mind than a perfect body.

I know, “What’s up with the dang air quotes Scrappie?” I have to generalize because the amount of examples I could provide would make my ADHD spin and I would spent the next four hours Googling “the dangers x,y & z food” . I simply cannot spiral into a world where I am paralyzed by food choices. Been There, Done That, it’s really a shitty place to rent.

I apologize to all the waitstaff I interrogated about my food preparation or for scaring my Dad for running at 2am, in the streets of Boston. By myself.  an 80 lb crazed lunatic of defenseless, foodless adrenaline. I thank the Guardian angel that silently ran beside me, helping my twisted ankles heal so I could safely return home, each twilight. I am sure I have more amends to make during my boney reign of terror, but the wide eyed looks of bewilderment on waitstaffs’ and my Dad’s faces alike, are painfully clear  to me right now.

I am  irritated with the health and fitness industry for catering how exercise and restrictive eating makes us  “look” versus how it makes us “feel” and HOW it can help our OVERALL MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH. Of course,  I want to feel good about how I look, but when I see a scantily clad fitness model, butt cheeks hanging out, and flexing with a Carrot Stick in between her teeth captioned “Abs are made in The Kitchen” , it actually makes me nauseous and sad.

I have to rephrase the beginning of the last paragraph. I do not believe you have to practice restrictive eating habits and ‘reedunkulous’ exercise routines to impact your OVERALL MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH. What I am trying to say is, I’m frustrated with this message that is being sent by some leaders in the health and fitness industry. When I do see this type of message, I try to block it from my social media path and try to block it from my brain.

I LOVE intense cardiovascular exercise. Love it. I love to bike, jog, kick box , dance, bur-pees; all of it, and I could become obsessed with any of it , if I do not keep myself in check. I do not love yoga or strength training but I balance a little bit of everything because I know it’s good for my overall health and yes, I must admit stretching and yoga “stuff” feels good if I am perfectly honest with myself.

“What spurred this blog and where am I going with my story? Food shaming on social media.  Yes, you are darn right I’m oversensitive about being over-informed with which foods are going to turn me into a cocaine addict or how my kids are going to get cancer if I make one wrong decision at the grocery store. (yes I am exaggerating).

I am tired  seeing pictures of a Coke can labeled “Obesity” as a parody to their new marketing campaign, in name of “health promotion”.  I do not want to know about the McDonald’s hamburgers that survived  your latest scientific health experiment.

Clean Eating. Who came up with this term?  So anyone that eats out of a “box” or eats “white” flour or whatever is not grown by your restrictive healthy guidelines is eating “dirty?” or “cheating”?? This truly does not seem like a healthy message to send go anyone ESPECIALLY , young adults, who are very active on social media.

One out of five/seven kids go hungry in the US every day*.  The dichotomy between the health/fitness/diet industry and the poverty levels of Americans who do not have enough to eat, makes my head mushy and steam comes out of my ears. Therefore, to stay in the solution and away from the ‘soapboxbitchfest’,  I am going to leave to links that raise awareness on this issue.** (below)

There are more inspirational ways to reach people who need help in learning how to eat healthy and exercise regularly. Food Shaming and making people feel like shit because they are overweight is not inspirational or motivational. Maybe I am the only one who feels like this , but I can guarantee you if there are any other eating disordered (over-eaters, over- exercisers under-eaters etc) people who see this in their news-feed, I’m guessing they are getting pretty annoyed or even retreating into their disease with the “health-scolding” via social media.

This is my “angriest” blog written to date. I HATE to offend or make people angry or especially hurt people’s feelings. Lately I have realized, I will never  grow as a writer if I am constantly worried about people being angry because they did not like my views.  I am not an angry person, but I am passionate and sometimes its difficult to translate that message perfectly.  I attribute this blog to those writers who have inspired me to be more honest, through their passionate blogs; specifically Baby Sideburns, The Bloggess, Rosie Smartie Pants, We don’t Chew Glass, Drifting through My Open Mind and a girl named Sasha who is always commenting on my blog, and I am embarrassed because I can’t find her blog right now, so if you read this , please please link your blog in the comments!!!

No Kid  Hungry:
http://www.nokidhungry.org/problem/hunger-facts

Women’s Health Feed Run, sent to me from a dear runner friend:
http://run10feed10.com/home/?product_code=WMH01&smartcode=#!/main

Bloggers mentioned above who inspire me:

the Bloggess: http://thebloggess.com/

Baby Sideburns:  http://www.chicagonow.com/baby-sideburns

Rosie Smartie Pants: rosiesmrtiepants.wordpress.com

We Don’t Chew Glass: wedontchewglass.wordpress.com

Drifting through my Open Mind:  http://driftingthrough.com/

 
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a picture. bc pintrest keeps just posting my avatar.
 

exercise fitness fitness videos food foodie happiness health industry healthy industry irony love handles moderation

Laurie Free View All →

Laurie Free has two high-spirited children, with the trial lawyer litigation skills, when it comes to basic hygiene, such as teeth. Her patient, loving husband has supported her through all career endeavors, ranging from teaching Hip Hop Fitness,
(and I flunked "swag school") to peppering him with questions such as,
"Why haven't you turned on the 'wifi-gigibyte-hot-spot, and can you find the Gravatar?"

She does not scrapbook and lifted the name from the show "Friends", when Phoebe told Monica she was "Scrappie". She "scraps" her way with gusto into every endeavor. Yesterday she announced "I want to be a Life Coach"
.. Maybe, one day it will be Scrap-booking, till then I hope you enjoy my blog!

4 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Love this Blog Post! Oh my gosh Laurie you are such an inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing your story! You have no idea how much that inspires others when you are so vulnerable. 🙂

    When I was in high school I was always dieting: the rice diet, tuna diet, grapefruit diet, etc. all kinds of stupid things that never lasted because of all the sports I did, but I thought I was fat. Nope just stupid. I was athletic, muscular, and insecure because I looked different from everyone else in so many other ways. This is why when I went to college I vowed never to diet again! In fact, that word makes me cringe. Life is about finding balance in everything and food is the fuel that helps us grow and be healthy. I agree that “clean eating” is such a buzz word. My grandmother is 93 and has survived 2 bouts of breast cancer. I have always seen her eat a balanced diet, that also included some ice cream and home made cakes and Persian deserts. My parents would never buy me white bread or Twinkies… but we had pounds of pistachios and always vanilla ice cream in our fridge… still my favorite to day! But I put a scoop in a small cup… balance. Life is always about growing to find our own personal balance and maintaining it 😉 XO

    • Thanks so much Ellie I really appreciate your comment!! Omg My grandmother was such a beacon of moderation in my life when it came to food. I lived with her when I was anorexic for a while and she would cut out articles on how I was hurting my body and I am so glad she was able to see me get healthy. Unfortunately I grew up with a stepmom that was in chronic food shaming mode, so it definitely shaped my views..Some good bc i was able to find forgiveness & grace some I’ll always have to work on to stay balanced.

      I try very hard to buy healthy snacks for kids and my main rule is to avoid stuff that has way too many ingredients. However, I have to let my control stretch a bit at school functions, Holidays etc and when daddy grocery shops!!
      THANKs so much!! for weighing in, lol no pun intended there I do appreciate the feedback!!! so mich!!

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