I wrote this a while ago. I’m catching up on all my handwritten blogs. I have had a lot of dental work lately and my favorite drama on television is The Walking Dead. On with it.
1) You witness a dental team utilize a mini arsenal of mini home improvement and home gardening tools ON YOUR MOUTH. This way, if you every need pet zombies for protection (Michonne, Walking Dead) you can loot a dental office and mimic what you witnesses while people were gardening in your mouth; except, precision and pain alleviation will not be an issues.
2)The dental insurance companies cover one toof. So either you have one really great toof, to use when you become a Zombie during an Apocalypse, or you drained your savings to save the other toofies. Either way, you will have something to work with as a Zombie if you visit the dentist regularly!!! Yes I spelled toof incorrectly on purpose. I do not know why, maybe it’s some kind of rebellious gesture towards Dental Insurance companies for the asinine policy of COVERING ONE TOOF OR ONE QUADRANT of said Toofies.
- Side note. I had ZERO clue on how to spell asinine. So I looked up “assynyne” on google. Apparently it’s very popular name for hip hop groups and rock bands. And YES, I know how to spell toof. Remember, I’m rebelling.
3)Laughing Gas is awesome. So if things start to go south during a Zombie Apocalypse, find a dental office STAT, to hide your posse in and hook yo’self up playah.
- I mean “go south” as it go poorly. Not “move towards the south”. This can be confusing, hence my clarification, because the Walking Dead is filmed in the South, in Georgia. I never really thought of where the term “go South” as in “going poorly” comes from….?
4) Dental people have fabulous teeth. Zombies do not.
5) Dental offices are shiny, nice, sanitized, and play great family friendly movies like “Up” and “Despicable Me”; whereas, any warehouse or church or home you take refuge in during a Zombie Apocalypse, you will most certainly not have said amenities.
6) If you are in a Zombie Apocalypse, make sure you have one of those Novocaine Needles filled with Novocaine. That way if you are about to get bit, you can jab the pre-bit area with said needle and it won’t hurt as much.
“No Pain, you will be slain” You may have to tell your Zombie-Attacker- Non -Human -Walker thing, to hold off for about five minutes until the Novocaine kicks in though…
7) Dental offices are loaded with awesome supplies and weapons to loot during a Zombie Apocalypse, For survivors AND to ward off Zombies. Think about it. Also DON’T FORGET TO ROLL THAT LAUGHING GAS MACHINE WITH YOU WHEN YOU HEAD BACK TO PEOPLE-ALIVE-HUMANS CAMP. Seriously. Don’t leave home without it.
8) If you go to the dental office a lot for surgeries etc, you are prepared for Zombie Attack pain.
9) If it were the Dental People versus Zombies as last people on earth, I would place big money on the Dental People winning. They have great tools, they have great teeth, they know how to keep sanitized and ward of zombie germs and mutations, and they will all be high on laughing gas so it won’t really matter anyways.
10) If you have great dental coverage and stay up to date on all your dental appointments, you will make one hell of a Zombie during an apocalypse, that’s the same as #2 , but that’s all I got.
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This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.