or 10 things that happen when you end up in the emergency room. I have been in many ERS over the past year (no, not just for my children, my Dad was sick last year and we were looking out for him etc etc,I tell you this because if I didn’t you would be like WTF is wrong with this Mom). Let’s cut out the insanely verbose scrappiemomma monologue and get right to it. I write what I know:
1) My son recently got the bubonic plague. The above diagram indicates how the puking episodes transpired.
2) They feel like biscuit fireballs with the fever. On day 2 of da plague, he said his body felt like it was stretching. I almost passed out myself when the thermometer spiked to 104.5 in like seconds, threw it across the room, grabbed keys, my son & didn’t even finish taking his temperature.
3) Frantically sped towards emergency room with hazards on blast and screaming at red lights wondering; “is it really necessary to have traffic lights in the middle of the night?” I suppose the tractor trailers barreling down the road, deems traffic control mechanisms necessary. To a panicked Mom, though, anyone being on the road seemed unnecessary.
4) There is really NOTHING worse than and ER doc who is “dismissive”. I am being gentle here. The other word I had chosen when I first write this started with an A and ended with a Hole. I KNOW they are busy, I understand they are overwhelmed, but there really is no greater feeling of complete helplessness when it comes to your family needing medical attention and the ER people act like you are at Starbucks complaining that your foam isn’t foamy enough.
- Funny, Funny caveat. Last year the few times my Dad was in the ER, not so funny at the time; there was this one particular ER where instead of an actual NURSE or Attendant coming in to ask you registration questions, THEY WHEELED IN A GIANT MOBILE CART WITH A FREAKING PERSON ON SKYPE. Ever watch Big Bang Theory where Sheldon decides to only travel TO AND FRO via Skype on his computer? Seriously SAME SCENARIO. Coincidentally, while I was providing pertinent information to “Shelbot”, a patient came running down the hallway, half dressed banging on the window, jumping up and down, pointing to my phone saying she needed to make a call. At this point in the scenario, I was rendered speechless, and if you know me, it TAKES A LOT TO SHUT ME UP.
5) This past ER visit. I had forgotten I cut and stubbed my pinkie toe on this fabulous garden paverkeepsgrassfromgrowingintoflowergarden thingies ( (seriously I’m HGTV illiterate) my husband had put out front a few days before. I looked down at cut on my toe and I FREAKED. I was convinced I had contracted the flesh eating bacteria while in the ER and almost had a panic attack and passed out until I remembered that I’m extremely clumsy and the majority of the bumps, bruises and scrapes I bequeath are due to my inability to walk a straight line. Sober.
6) You will do anything for your kids when they are sick. I was ready to donate any body part needed at any point in time. We compromised by ordering an overpriced Minecraft bat on Amazon and then got really distracted and decided I needed to order the “tangle free brush” for my daughter. I was so incredibly distracted (there is a lot of ANXIETY RIDDEN DOWN TIME (#ARDT) and waiting in ERs and hospitals) I ended up order SIX Ultimate De-tangling brushes.
- Note, I capitalized ANXIETY RIDDEN DOWN TIME and coined/hash tagged the term (ARDT) to indicate there is a HUGE difference between REGULAR DOWN TIME (#RDT…watching HGTV and Walking Dead) and #ARDT where ordering things on Amazon seems to alleviate anxiety. Buy now with one click is a highly dangerous button while undergoing #ARDT.
7) There is a vast difference in aesthetics, food, activities, Nursing Staff, at a regular hospital and a Children Hospital. I do not know how else to elaborate other than the fact it’s like Disney versus Chuckie Cheese.
8) I had a giant fever blister on my lip the entire time my son was in the hospital which if you know anything about fever blisters, they THRIVE on stress, so it like grew exponentially, hourly. To make me laugh, my friends kept saying that the Nurses were saying “High Maintenance Fever Blistered Mom in room 235 needs us again, no it’s YOUR turn to deal with her…”
9) Even “funnier”, somehow in the process of being in two 3 ERS shuttled through Atlanta in ambulance transports etc etc , somehow someone forgot to write down the name and number of my son’s pediatrician; therefore, it was written on his chart “Family has no pediatrician”. So I am downstairs in the Disney Cafe, when my husband texts me from my son’s room “Social Services is here, we do have pediatrician right?”
Fever Blister Ridden Mom Drops salad on floor and screams “DON’T TAKE MY BABIES”. Yes, I have a pediatrician for my children.
10) No disrespect to ANY of the staff in medical facilities , even if you are “dismissive” like # 4, because I’m sure Anxiety Ridden Fever Blistered Moms are no picnic for the medical community either. Even with all the ARDT that comes with having a really sick kid, being in the ER, or being hospitalized, I am eternally grateful for ERs, Hospitals, Children’s Hospitals and Nurses!
Happy Nurses Week 🙂
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This blog is like the ridiculous sweater I bought at Anthropologie a few years ago. It was on sale and the sales lady told me "it looks awesome on you." It's the most bizarre sweater, and whether it looked good on me or not, is highly debatable. Like these blogs, I look at them at say "Yeesh, what was I thinking,," or laugh or bath in their cathartic qualities. The sweater stays for the same reasons.