It’s okay.

It’s okay. I like social media, it’s a great creative outlet and I like the humor & inspiration. It’s also a trigger for me for a multide of complex way-to-wordy reasons. Lately, I’ve limited my time greatly on ‘it’ and used it as an outlet BUT not as guide for living. I don’t have to…

Read more It’s okay.

Sabbatical. I am a writer.

I adore my life, I dislike my time management skills. The creative mind seems to be the antitheses of structure. My brain is like a ping pong game of puppies, kids, big 'phat' words that cascade through my brainwaves, betwixt strongly worded Drake-Minaj lyrics as I am run with my head phones JAMMMED into my synapses.

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Read more Sabbatical. I am a writer.

A love letter to all Bods.

I was inspired to write this blog, amidst the Dad/Mom Bod phenomenon. When I turned 39, I decided it would be a fantastic  idea to break into the fitness industry. There was pressure to eat clean,  train lean and not be mean, while teaching fitness and testing the   the “21-Day-Restriction-I-might-Faint-Diet.”   It stimulated dysfunctional…

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Read more A love letter to all Bods.

ADHD thoughts while Running

I started running in the ninth grade. We had to run one mile for Physical Education and I think it took me thirty minutes. I remember being one of the last people to finish and I still remember the look of haughty disdain from the Physical Education teacher. I was a teeny tiny thing with…

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I do not need your approval.

From day one, I learned that approval of other humans meant goodness and disapproval meant soul-crushing unworthiness.  Mark Zuckerburg made a multi-billion dollar company off the approval  concept, that stems back to notes in class; “Do you like me? check – yes or no.” Many bloggers are making a ton of money by controversially polarizing…

Read more I do not need your approval.

Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Based on this title, you are probably are saying to yourself, “Why do you have a Word-Press account if this is what writing feels like to you?”  I  do not know the answer. I know I LOVE writing. I know that my husband calls me the “computer murderer” so sufficed to say, the “dream-phone-analogy” answer…

Read more Writing is the dream where you repeatedly keep dialing the same number, incorrectly.

Does your head hurt?

I just spent 1.5 hours on the inter webs researching the best face creams because the news is so unbelievably depressing, every sponsored ad on Facebook is how to get, stay or be HAWT for the damn Holidays  all while mastering the program of bolstering your Super Mom-treprenuer productivity by 70000% and Pin all “dis” on Pintrest. I…

Read more Does your head hurt?

The Smart Phone Conundrum.

We all have bad habits.  My worst habit (right now)  is thinking that if I “miss” something on my phone , the world might implode, as though, I’m an omnipotent-phone-puppet master.  There are some amazing benefits of smart phones, that have helped me tremendously in my life  I simply need to make a few tweaks…

Read more The Smart Phone Conundrum.

Have you found me?

I feel like my brain is in this perpetual world of trying to find myself. A writer?  A blogger?  A stream of conscious writer-murderer?  A compound-sentence destroyer?  A mother? A wife? A sister?  A daughter?   A maid?  A laundry avoid-er?* A celebrity factoid expert? A closet wanna-be-back-up dancer for Missy Elliot? A Nae Nae-dance-you-tube-watcher?…

Read more Have you found me?

10 reasons I love my husband.

My husband’s birthday is upon us, and I always struggle with the “perfect gift”, because quite frankly, I should be gift enough as an adoring wife and mother to his two beautifully mannered children.  Seriously, the one thing that drives me crazy about buying cards, is I can never find the card that truly expresses…

Read more 10 reasons I love my husband.

You are enough.

Here is a link to a very cool video a dear friend and mentor sent me, to tell me that I am Enough, and women are enough!  (dudes, I got made love for you, but ladies first!)  Watch Below: http://themetapicture.com/ladies-interactive-mirror/   Here in my response: Society can be brutal to the imagery of what women…

Read more You are enough.

Baby SideBurns made me do it…

This blog was spurred by her most recent Facebook post (www.facebook.com/BabySideburns)* AND, Austin Kleon did write a book called Steal Like an Artist and I’m following all his rules. I am not going to insert her Facebook post of the day because  I do not know how to footnote in the world of social media. …

Read more Baby SideBurns made me do it…

It will always be a part of me

I am an exercise-bulimic survivor or anorexic survivor. I was labeled as both by the physicians and nutritionist that treated me during this dark time. These old demons come back sometimes subtly, sometimes fiercely. I also have other “isms” but today, for a short moment,  I will focus on this “minion-to-demon” creature that lies on…

Read more It will always be a part of me

#thestruggleisreal

I find myself stopping a blog or discontinuing or not publishing because I am never quite sure how much information I should delve out there on the internet.   I think the struggle for me in writing (and in life) is with my indecisive nature and the good news it’s fueled some Jerry McGuire moments where…

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the Rollercoaster Summer.

I have about a dozen half written blogs. It has been an eventful summer. I just have not have the fortitude to bring any of them to completion. Medicine changes for Momma. My fiercely independent daughter. My incredibly sensitive and defiant son. A million doctors and orthodontic appointments. The constant looming thought of “Am I…

Read more the Rollercoaster Summer.

10 things I need.

Yeah, I know monks live without stuff, but if you know my writing at all, I  am somewhat facetious so please do not take every word I write, seriously! YES, I do write some serious stuff, but my main goal is to make people LAUGH LAUGH AND LAUGH, be inspired and not take themselves so…

Read more 10 things I need.

Free Your Mind

Shortest Blog ever by Scrappie Momma: I stopped counting the calories, I put the scale in the garage, I refuse to be addicted To this perfectionist mirage Everyday can be struggle Of “omg is this organic??” Bc every health article I read Seems to send me into a panic Health will ALWAYS be a part…

Read more Free Your Mind

I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.  I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and  loquacious Scrappie Momma………..   Logan and…

Read more I think someone should compile every email I have ever sent. It would bring great laughter to the world.

Technology is my Kryptonite

Specifically, wordpress, computers as a people and automated services. 1) Yesterday, I couldn’t type on my computer. Its connected (??) VIA wireless mouse and keyboard because my husband thinks he’s Jack Bauer and I’m his hot side kick. I hate wireless attachments because THERE ARE NO WIRES TO FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM. Ask me. Yes.…

Read more Technology is my Kryptonite

I will be

➡➡➡➡➡➡➡I WILL BE THE VINTAGE SHOP OWNER, IN A EAST COASTAL TOWN, W/ DANGLING GLASS BIFOCAL HOLDERS, STRONGLY SCENTED JERGENSLOTION & BENGAY PERFUME, BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK SHAKILY DRAWN ON MY LIPS, BRIGHT WHITE CURLY WHITE HAIR, GIANT CHUNKY JEWELS, & PIERCING EYES THAT HOLD A MILLION STORIES IF YOU ASK☜☜☜☜⬅⬅⬅⬅⬅

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Why I love Sun Spots (& the Beach.)

10 reasons why I love the Beach. I’ll get right to it: 1) For the most part, anything goes and judgement is blown out to sea     Speedos. Thongs. Long Tshirts. Daisy Dukes. Sequins. Heels. Stilettos. Flats. Flops. Crocs. Bellies. Washboards.  Hawties. Grannies. Granbabbies. Snookies. Giselles. Toddlers. Teens. Dogs. Cats (I haven’t seen that yet….…

Read more Why I love Sun Spots (& the Beach.)

Do pistachios grow on cheese?

href=”https://scrappiemommareturns.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/wpid-wp-1396973103441.jpg”> “Do pistachios grow on tweese?” I ask my husband “On Cheese?” He responds Then we both bust out laughing. Except I’m snorting laughing, because I kept saying “Pistachio Cheese” in my head over and over and over. Seriously say it! Say it out loud, ten times right now. Oh yeah, people are most definitely,…

Read more Do pistachios grow on cheese?

Arts Night & Toilet Snakes

My morning started with this text to my husband. I’m sorry if its #tmi as the hipster kids say, but I write what I know. Seriously? I haven’t even had my breakfast and my sister stayed over so the coffee is so strong I was so jittery I could barely snake the toilet, or ter~lit…

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Read more Arts Night & Toilet Snakes

Squat-clammed done.

HI. My name is Scrappie. I eat gluten,  dairy, pizza,  sugar and everything in between. At my last Drs appt my Dr said I was in amazing health & based on her stats, I have 2% chance of dying from heart disease..(& she’s wicked smart). I have a muffin top, cellulite, angel wings on my…

Read more Squat-clammed done.

Puppy Prose

Puppy Prose : …..I shall tear through the soft people clothes wide-eyed and crazed… till I meet the soft (..the bigger humans more wrinkly and leathery) flesh.. until I hear loud shrieks of delight and fancy. …..I will snub the 345 fancy bacon flavored plastic bones in favor of that squishy, padded  thing my mom…

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Puppies Ratings of Food Sources

Puppies Ratings  of ‘food’ : Mulch = 🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶 Stinky 💩 = 🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶 Old band aids = 🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶 Sheet rock (Trash day) = Vet Visit Moms Undergarments = Infiniti 🐶s $$Free-range-grain-free-tender-morsels  = ‘Meh’ Longer blogs coming soon..or maybe not..I can’t seem to get my writing /blogging shyt  together. Posted from WordPress for Android

Read more Puppies Ratings of Food Sources

Quick Moments of Clarity

I think we set out selves up for sadness when we place expectations on what we think our future should “be”& how others should “act” , in our presence.  There is nothing wrong with hope & faith, when you realize that the only thing you can control,  is yourself. Posted from WordPress for Android

Read more Quick Moments of Clarity

4 stages of Hunger

I have 4 appetite moods: “Hangry” = “I just don’t care anymore” Dizzy = “I literally can’t even. No One Talk to me or move or look at me.” Satiated and extraordinarily optimistic = “I want to be a dog therapist. Or a Therapist of Veterinarians. Or A Veterinarian The”rapist” OR  “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!”…

Read more 4 stages of Hunger

I might breakup with my FB page.

Facebook is changing it’s vortex algorithm of transcendent madness. again. So instead of 5 people seeing the ramblings of a crazed, but carefully medicated suburban housewife, maybe 2 will ignore it. I will start posting cathartic haikus laced with agressive profanity. Or maybe solely use wordpress. Or follow dance on you tube and learn how…

Read more I might breakup with my FB page.

Johnnie Cochran Summer

  For the stay at home mom of two mini-defense-trail-lawyers, summer is our “bottom-line-year-end-push” for the “Brush your bleeping HAIR & TEETH”, Law Firm. Our bonus is calculated in our ability to keep loss prevention to a minimum.  If we roll into the next school year with less than 15 new carpet stains, 7000 door…

Read more Johnnie Cochran Summer

I’m done with fear.

With the expolosion of social media,  the world seems to be lurking with blinding judgement,   dark pain that masks itself as confusing cut throat competition  and  a desparate almost violent need, for attention and approval. .no matter what the cost. As side collateral,   through the venue of mommy blogging & mommy wars*( see note below)…

Read more I’m done with fear.

Manual & Odes.

My questionairre manual: hair : “multi-faceted-ombre-infused-highlights-lowlights. a menagerie of color.  weight: “actual or stomach-flu-jean weight?” height:  “actual or slightly-tip-toed?” Ode to Pollen Dear Pollen, I know you are an integral part of our eco system and I love you for that, but just an fyi, my eyes are not flowers. I know they are beautiful…

Read more Manual & Odes.

that f!!!/ scale.

I have gained a few lbs. I will always have food and body image demons. Here’s the thing..It’s not about  narcissism..I honestly don’t give two shits about what you think of my body. It’s about control, and as a mom of two growing kids in a society where “what’s up is down” with every new…

Read more that f!!!/ scale.

10 reasons I love the Walking Dead

1) Zombies eating entire people and emulating my, “I’m bloated Where’s for effing midol!!!” Pose (think Laurie season 3?) 2) English  actors  masterfully crafting the Southern Accent. 3) Abraham articulating , possibly the best, new profanity, ever to dawn Mother Earth, when faced with fighting off 500 zombies to save the damsel in distress. 4)…

Read more 10 reasons I love the Walking Dead

give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

A Pharmaceutical Haiku: As I drive thru for pick-up, I swiftly reach toward the tunnel of meds I place my grasp on a crinkly-gleaming white bag of scripts “Express pay please” I say, smiling with giddiness …. I bathe in the knowledge, Co-insurance hasn’t dawned it’s doom, a fire-breathing-loophole-face- palmed-mascara-smeared wack-a-mole-of-automated-phone services yet. I continue…

Read more give me humor or give me death haiku -ish

Hope.

Alzheimers is the disease that interrupts our mind by gaps of time, ALS is the one that takes away our body one muscle at a time, Depression sends us to a heavy fog of ash & suns rays never shatter, ADHD is a Rolodex of fleeting thoughts that disallows us to escape from the clatter,…

Read more Hope.

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