1) My son came up stairs while I was half asleep and said “Hey Mom, watch this ” and blew a Spitball at me.
“Isn’t it cool, I made a Spitball machine out of all the straws and tissue in the house” as he wipes his nose on his sleeve.
2) My daughter woke me up in the dead of sleep by coughing into my face. “Mommy I have a bad cough. fix me”
3) My son put my exercise core ball thingy on the treadmill , then hit the highest mileage and elevation , until it exploded, now I will never have that six pack of abs.
4) My kid hide their dirty clothes with masterful deception rather than just placing them in the dirty laundry hamper.
6) I miss my kids when they are at school but I have full -blown-splotches on-chest-panic-attacks when I think about snow days and summer breaks.
7) When children have stomach viruses it’s always on spaghetti or ice cream cake day and time always ends up on the one clean spot of carpet.
8) My kids think kleenex and general hygiene is kryptonite for their soul.
9) Children recognize their power in numbers. I have the utmost respect for teachers and they should be paid 7 billion dollars a semester or 1 billion per each child , with a bonus billion for a child who has parents who think their child is “not being challenged enough” by the school curriculum or thinks their child is some sort of prodigy.
10) They dance when they eat and they dance on their food like it’s prey so as to smoosh into the other only clean part of the carpet.
bonus. whoever invented carpet did not have kids or pets.
That is all.