Posts Tagged ‘humor’

When the topic of “child-rearing” comes to the forefront, I get hot and prickly.¬† Instead of turning the air conditioning to 50 or moving myself into the grocery store cooler, I decided to write about it because writing is my therapy, it’s my release, it’s how I control my Rolodex brain.

The inspiration for this blog?¬† I recently read an article about how the Whooping Cough was an epidemic in California and¬† in the blog it stated it was a direct result of people choosing to not vaccinate their children. (see link below). ¬†¬†¬† What was so incredibly disturbing about this blog, was the parents’ vehemence towards each other on the topic. Especially the pro-vaccination side, and I’m pro-vaccination. I was appalled at how nasty the comments were towards the people who do not vaccinate. ¬† Yes, it distresses me that diseases are coming back and some say that¬† scientific evidence has proven that it to be a direct result of people not vaccinating their children.¬† All I can say that is if my child contracts a deadly disease, as a result of being around un-vaccinated children, and I vaccinated my children, I would be incredibly upset and want to point my fingers in a thousand directions.

However, lately, I decided, when I get inwardly steamed about a controversial subject, I am trying to do the opposite of overreacting and commenting wildly on Facebook. (you know you have done it..:) . I am trying to bring my inner Dali Lama to the forefront and find a medium in which we can agree to disagree and really try to support each other as we raise our children in this world.

An additional caveat inspiration, ¬†the petition to comb Jay-Z and Beyonc√©’s daughter’s hair was the most ridiculous criticism of another person’s parenting I have seen in a while, maybe in my life. ¬† I don’t care who they are, they are human and the paparazzi is ruthless. Leave that child alone.

As a society, I feel like parents;¬† women especially, could do a much better job in supporting each other when it comes to how parents chose to provide for and raise their children. There are 500 different scenarios, and I do not think I have to list them all out because any parent that’s pouring love out of their heart to raise their children is a parent I support.¬†¬† Why does it have to be a competition? Why are SAHP (stay at home parents) cast as a certain stereotype and working parents cast as another?¬† There are perks and insurmountable obstacles of all types of scenarios in raising kids.¬† It¬† is difficult enough to raise kids, without some blogger, polemicist or negative Nancy poking holes in your juju.¬† (no disrespect to Nancy, it just went with word negative) I have worked since I was 11.¬† I worked upwards of 18 hours a day before I had kids. I worked part time on three separate occasions after I had kids, and I simply could not make it work with my husband’s schedule. Why is the SAHP cast as the unproductive bon bon eating stereotype? Why is the working parent cast as a stereotype that doesn’t nurture their children as much as the SAHP?

I parent the way that I do because it feels right in MY gut, and below is a list of what I think we as parents can do to support each other in parenting:.

For the record, I have probably criticized every one of these items in my head or out loud. Through some personal growth, I am realizing that when I criticize another person in general,  my own inner insecurities are rearing their monstrous head. My criticisms of anyone or anything, has everything to do with my issues and little or nothing to do with their issues.   My point, stop throwing stones in the glass house and start using some Windex together.

 

1) ¬†How many extra curricular activities (I.e. sports) their children are involved in and ¬†Thankfully , because of some of the work I have done on myself, I’m less likely to parent my children based on “comments” made by other parents.

2) How a parent disciplines their children.  Aside from physical, emotional abuse and neglect, how you (or as a family unit) chose to discipline your children is YOUR BUSINESS.  You are in the shoes 24/7, not the onlooker.

For example, helping a parent who lost sight of her child for fifteen seconds (rather than scolding them with looks of disdain or remarks of disapproval)¬† may be a better approach in a situation where you truly feel like a parent can ¬†benefit from your help or advice. ¬† This actually JUST happened to me today. ¬† A small child ran away from his Mom and I happened to be there to catch him before he went into the street.¬† The Mom was sprinting, breathless, panicked, distraught and terrified. ¬†I simply said ¬†“is this little guy yours?” smiled warmly and joined their hands.¬† If it hasn’t happened to you, then you are¬† lucky. Toddlers are fast and we are human. My point is, most parents know when they effed up, so giving them “tips” or making “comments” ¬†usually isn’t helpful. At all.

3) STAYING HOME TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said.

4) WORKING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said.  Both scenarios have their pros and cons. Stop trying to win the argument because there should not even be an argument anymore. It takes a Village.

5) BEING A SINGLE PARENT. Enough Said.  I know my Dad struggled with this feat for many many years.

6)Being A Gay Parent. ¬†How is “gayness” affecting the child? or your child? If you associate being “gay” with being perverse, ¬†that’s your problem.

7) Home Schooling your Children. Sending your Children to Private School. Sending your children to Public School.¬†¬† I personally could not home school my children because I substituted as a preschool teacher and I learned very quickly that it’s simply not in my DNA and I would be performing an injustice to their education.

8) What type of religion , if any, is taught in the home. ¬† I do my best to teach my children what I know, I bought them “cartoon-esque”¬† bibles so they have a basic understanding of Christianity, but essentially it is their decision to believe in what they want to believe in for themselves. I¬† believe in a Higher Power of my understanding, I want them to come to understand what that means to them on their own terms.

9) How many chores your kids do around the house or if they earn an allowance. ¬† Again,¬† you are not in the parents’ shoes 24/7, you are the onlooker.¬†¬† What works for some , may not work for others.

10) I’m backtracking a bit, but breastfeeding. I did not breastfeed, I tried and had to stop. No, I am not going to buy another mom’s milk over the internet or even next door.¬† Yes I do know how fabulous it is/was for the baby. ¬† I applaud the women who breastfed and breastfeed. ¬†The people who are not breastfeeding or did not breastfeed DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS and “BREASTMATION” (projectile vomiting of information on breast milk). Save it for your Breastfeeding groups and people who want to hear the information.¬† I speak from experience and most moms I know who also did not breastfeed, DID NOT COME UPON THE DECISION LIGHTLY.¬† Many tears were shed over my decision to formula feed my children.

 

OKAY ONE MORE 11)

JUST BEING THEMSELVES. I am around a lot of moms. The most common thing I hear is that they are so tired of being judged and tired of feeling like they are losing themselves in what other people THINK they should be doing. Why are we so damn hard on each other, aren’t we hard enough on ourselves??? ¬†Whether you are a strict parent, a funny parent, a fly by the seat of your pants- parent,¬† cook three meals a day for your kid parent, ¬†kids were potty trained at 18 months or 5 ¬†years, parent (which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with you..so stop stressing if you are potty training right now, the child I spent less time agonizing over, was the child who trained quickly and had less issues)¬† organized pintrest guru parent, handy parent, dramatic parent, etc!!! , I think the worst thing we can do to each other as parents is criticize each other!

 

Have you hugged another parent today?

 

* Article on Whooping Cough

http://gizmodo.com/whooping-cough-is-now-a-full-blown-epidemic-in-californ-1590895772?utm_campaign=socialflow_gizmodo_facebook&utm_source=gizmodo_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

I wrote this a while ago. I’m catching up on all my handwritten blogs.¬† I have had a lot of dental work lately and my favorite drama on television is The Walking Dead. On with it.

1)  You witness a dental team utilize a mini arsenal of mini home improvement and home gardening tools ON YOUR MOUTH.  This way, if you every need pet zombies for protection (Michonne, Walking Dead) you can loot a dental office and mimic what you witnesses while people were gardening in your mouth; except, precision and pain alleviation will not be an issues.

2)The dental insurance companies cover one toof.¬† So either you have one really great toof, to use when you become a Zombie during an Apocalypse, or you drained your savings to save the other toofies. Either way, you will have something to work with as a Zombie if you visit the dentist regularly!!!¬† Yes I spelled toof incorrectly on purpose.¬† I do not know why, maybe it’s some kind of rebellious gesture towards Dental Insurance companies for the asinine¬† policy of COVERING ONE TOOF OR ONE QUADRANT of said Toofies.

  • ¬†¬†¬† Side note. I had ZERO clue on how to spell asinine.¬† So I looked up “assynyne” on google. Apparently it’s very popular name for hip hop groups and rock bands.¬† And YES, I know how to spell toof. Remember, I’m rebelling.

3)Laughing Gas is awesome.¬† So if things start to go south during a Zombie Apocalypse, find a dental office STAT, to hide your posse in and hook yo’self up playah.

  • ¬†I mean “go south” as it go poorly. Not “move towards the south”. This can be confusing, hence my clarification, because the Walking Dead is filmed in the South, in Georgia.¬† I never really thought of where the term “go South” as in “going poorly” comes from….?

4) Dental people have fabulous teeth. Zombies do not.

5) Dental offices are shiny, nice, sanitized, and play great family friendly movies like “Up” and “Despicable Me”; whereas,¬† any warehouse or church or home you take refuge in during a Zombie Apocalypse, you will most certainly not have said amenities.

6) If you are in a Zombie Apocalypse, make sure you have one of those Novocaine Needles filled with Novocaine. That way if you are about to get bit, you can jab the pre-bit area with said needle and it won’t hurt as much.

No Pain, you will be slain”¬† You may have to tell your Zombie-Attacker- Non -Human -Walker thing, to hold off for about five minutes until the Novocaine kicks in though…

7) Dental offices are loaded with awesome supplies and weapons to loot during a Zombie Apocalypse,¬† For survivors AND to ward off Zombies. Think about it. Also DON’T FORGET TO ROLL THAT LAUGHING GAS MACHINE WITH YOU WHEN YOU HEAD BACK TO PEOPLE-ALIVE-HUMANS CAMP. Seriously.¬† Don’t leave home without it.

8) If you go to the dental office a lot for surgeries etc, you are prepared for Zombie Attack pain.

9) If it were the Dental People versus Zombies as last people on earth, I would place big money on the Dental People winning.¬† They have great tools,¬† they have great teeth, they know how to keep sanitized and ward of zombie germs and mutations, and they will all be high on laughing gas so it won’t really matter anyways.

10) If you have great dental coverage and stay up to date on all your dental appointments, you will make one hell of a Zombie during an apocalypse, that’s the same as #2 , but that’s all I got.

 

 

profielic1I think I blogged about this before, but I absolutely have zero memory of what I wrote and yes, I could go back and read it.¬† However, one of the 10 things that happen when you turn forty is forgetfulness and lack of patience. ¬† (picture is me 40, husband 38. Yep. I’m a Cougar.¬† you can barely see my lips, see # 1)

On with it:

1) You lose your lip line. I’m not kidding, your face starts to melt into your lip line. Lip Liners are not for youthful people. The entire Lip Liner Industry was targeted for women over 40 who wake up one morning, look in the mirror and say “OMG WHERE ARE MY LIPS??????????????????”

a) Caveat: You LOSE LIP FAT.¬† LIP FAT. That’s NOT EVEN FAIR. God, or Buddha, or your divine being that created you / me, I must ask¬† “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WITH THIS ONE??? Wasn’t there somewhere else on my 40 year old body that you could have taken fat to use for whatever you need fat from my lip to assist the body part with the needed fat from my lip??? I could make a few recommendations? “

2) Spider Veins. Varicose Veins. Bumpy Veins. No, not the pretty ones that show on people who eat the perfect amounts of food and exercise perfectly and have pretty veins that barely show in their arms but kind of show because they are lean and strong. I’m talking veins that APPEAR OVERNIGHT in some cases that look like a cluster of blue bug bites.¬† Or Looks like your children got a hold of a blue sharpie, glue and blue confetti (not shiny or glittery, the dull confetti, the kind that sits out too long in the sun at the craft store and loses all its joie de vivre)¬† and decided to decorate your thighs and legs.

3) Cellulite.¬† Seriously. TRAPPED FAT?¬† Dear Divine Creator. Again, where are we going with this one? Fat being TRAPPED on your body. If the fat is there, isn’t it kind of already trapped?¬† Why do we need to make little pockets for it to stay trapped.¬† Its like Hotel California for FAT??? ¬† Purpose of Cellulite?? –¬† It gives the Celebrity Photo Shoppers a vocation.¬† OR it gives Celebrity Paparazzi something to chase after on the beach so they can hound some thin celebrity and broadcast to the world¬† “LOOK EVERYONE EVEN SHE HAS CELLULITE”¬† Nice.

a) Caveat: I recently took up foam rolling NOT because it’s a healthy and prevents injury.¬† I heard it “got rid of”¬† cellulite and I was all over that like paparazzi on cellulite on celebrities at the beach.¬† I know it does not get “rid of it”, I know the word was “reduces the appearance of cellulite” but in my book “reduces” = “rid of”.

4) Your metabolism? Wave good bye.¬† I had this whole long thing written out but there really is not a whole lot to explain.¬†¬† Scientifically it’s the truth. I had to take a very long and cumbersome test when I was a fitness instructor and the ONE thing that they kept hammering over and over in the “Nutrition” section is the older you get, the more stuff slows down. Period. End of story.¬† I¬† passed the test (barely) but I know I got that answer right. The good news is if you foam roll, you will NEVER EVER get injured, have zero cellulite and can exercise off everything you eat. (I’m joking here…kind of….I’m really counting on this foam rolling stuff to kick in and turn me 20 again)

5) Ladies.¬† Your boobs. Will either go straight down or off to the side. I asked my friend if their was a cure for “armpit boobs.¬† Mine increasingly gravitate toward the side more and more, it seems like on a daily basis. I have to re-adjust them. Hourly. Dudes, I don’t know what happens to your instruments, but feel free to blog and let your 40 year old friends know all about whatever strange phenomenon is occurring¬† on an hourly basis, but keep it classy.

6) If you lacked patience before, expect to lack it even more. I went to very few camps or church gatherings as a child but there was one song I clearly remember¬† “Be patient Be patient don’t be in such a hurry, you will only start to worry, Just remember God has patience too, Just think of all the times others had to wait for you”.¬† The song frankly annoys me because it (as a song ) it invokes memories of people behind me in line, rolling their eyes and shooting me looks of severe disdain.¬† It divinely pops into my head when I am in the line from hell at Walmart or Home Deport or Lowes or Dollar General or DMV or where ever places long lines go to DIE.

7)¬† You eyelashes¬† leave their home and start a new home on your chin, , jawline , above your “un-lip-lined” lip, and the top of your feet. They move south for pre-Retirement years. No extra description needed here.

8)¬† Every time someone yelled out to you “Use sun screen” and you did not listen – turns into a sunspot, guess where??¬† The same place your eyelash hairs relocate to for their pre-Retirement party. Thus, you have a parade of unwanted hairs and GIANT torpedoed freckles on your upper lip, chin, jawline and feet in addition to the Hotel Calfornia’d cellulite and Micheal’s Craft store veins and so on and so forth.

9) You start giving your parent’s advice.¬† They don’t listen and they ignore EVERYTHING you say to them in form of advice and CHANGE THE SUBJECT TO SOMETHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH HIP HOP MUSIC????? ¬† It’s like some twisted reverse-psychological- punishment for any hell you put them through when you were a teenager.¬†¬† I really think they do it on purpose.

10) You drone on and on about “what happens when you turn 40″.¬† Mall teenagers, people in their “twenties” are mildly annoying, and TRUST me they find “people in their 40’s and above” as equally annoying. It’s just a vicious cycle of annoyance if anytime there is a mix of these ages; Which is virtually, any family gathering.¬† THE only PEOPLE that favor well at family gathering, are babies. So if you over the age of TWO, things just go down hill from there. HEY BABIES AND TODDLERS – Be prepared to be annoyed for the rest of your life. :)

WAIT, I almost forgot. Bonus) Forgetfulness.

WAIT, I just thought of another one when I was loading blog link to instagram.  SELFIES SUCK.

PS.This is ALL in good fun.

 

 

In continuation from the previous post, here is a fabulous email I sent my kid’s dance Director.¬† I think she has a voo doo doll of me that she jams pins in every time she hears a BING on her phone and it’s an email from the illustrious and¬† loquacious Scrappie Momma………..

 

Logan and Laney, is it ok if I drop both of them off at the same time and pick them up at the same time (30 minutes before for laney would be 3:50, for logan would be 4:10 so I was hoping I could drop both them off at 3:50?)

¬† For Pick up I’m a little confused (this is probably all me)¬† because¬† there is a Finale for the 1pm show and for the life of me I can’t find the Finale for the 6pm? or do they all practice that together? or is this a stupid question.¬† For Pick up,¬† it looks like they are both in the Finale at 6:05, so should I plan on picking them up around 7? or am I missing something?¬† Also Logan will be in both shows and both Finales, but Laney will not) Does that change anything?

Sorry I have read it a lot, and I even have coffee in my system, I just want to make sure I have this all marked in my folder and on my calender (s) because last year I kind of messed this all up.

 

Sincerely, A woman WHO NEVER EVER EVER GOT THE MANUALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 

Ouch. That hurt! I think she may have used extra pins this time.

Specifically, wordpress, computers as a people and automated services.

1) Yesterday, I couldn’t type on my computer. Its connected (??) VIA wireless mouse and keyboard because my husband thinks he’s Jack Bauer and I’m his hot side kick. I hate wireless attachments because THERE ARE NO WIRES TO FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM. Ask me. Yes. I TURNED TO COMPUTER OFF 3x and I was able to restore sanity to the office.

2) Everytime I try to log into Word Press from my phone, I get a jacked up error message telling me there is a two step verification process to log in. I have zero clue what this means EXCEPT, periodically, randomly throughout the day and night, I get WordPress codes texted to me. If im being hacked, and someone is plagiarizing my genius writing, I will find you. I took apart a sink with my bare hands in college to find my friends “lovelier” (a Southern Friendship love debutante thang, I dont know either) . Needless to say, I am a top ~notch~ bad~ ass. I was tight with maintenace in my dorms and Debutants from here to Kentucky both fear and reach out to me when they lose their chunky jewels in the sink. Or maybe I really am Jack Bauers hot~ black ~ops~ sidekick.

3) I had to call Express scripts today. I hit zero 5677887664432456 times and kept screaming CUSTOMER SERVICE PERSON into my phone. After, ten minutes of this “Sybil” (the movie) worthy performance, I talked to a real person. Why is it so hard to talk to real people?¬†

4) ¬†When I have not received a text in over an hour I’m convinced my phone is broken. I miss the neon phones with cords so long, you could wrap your entire body with it, which I did a lot as a teenager, out of sheer “lets see how much I can stretch the cord”. I miss not feeling like my phone is an appendage.¬†

5) Browsing on the internet can completely ruin your day. For example, a tiny sliver of an example, I have self diagnosed myself and my children, with the most awful cases and rare diseases through Web Md that my pediatrician reminds me regularly, not to use WebMd.

6) Our wireless computer setup, sure has a lot of wires everwhere that collect a lot of dust.

7) There is NEVER an easy solution if you get the blue screen of death on computer with the blinking hypen at the top and few words of code gibberish. We have been through a few burned out hard drives,(terminology may be off here)  to know that there is no coming back from this death window. 

8) The Geek Squad almost salivate when you bring in Blue Screen of Death problems.. Similar to Surgeons in the ER with medical marvels and complex surgical procedures & treatment. OR they know you have to buy a new one.

8) Technology has a short shelf life. My neon phone would still be kicking it, ¬†if I hadn’t ruined the cord by playing “Cord Mummy” when I should have been doing my computer science homework.

9) Why didn’t I LISTEN and study in computer class!!!¬†

10) I know why! BECAUSE my brain shuts down when it comes to mathematical situations. Computers are long ass word problems and I can’t even solve my son’s 3rd grade word problems without literally having to squint, grunt, re~-write & say “Go ask your Dad”.

BONUS I have two books on wWordPress. I am on page 12, of each. Its my ambien.

First of all I’m blogging this in the blinding Florida sun, on my phone and do not have immediate access to computer so there will definitely be typos and grammatical tragedies. I know its not an excuse.

We are Florida junkies. Our kids are at the “I MUST be entertained at all costs” stage so we come to Orlando a lot.  Disney. Sea World. Universal.
Lego Land. Apparently I didn’t get the manual for anything, so I decided to pay it forward with a list of rules for Amusement Park frivolity:

1) Bring drinks. Smuggle them in like Heisinburg if you have too.
2) DON’T GO JUNE THROUGH SEPTEMBER. Unless you like being soaked in humidity and scorched by a blinding, hot white heat thats so intense you will wonder if Orlando = Purgatory
3) Don’t eat a stack of protein bars prior to going in attempts to mitigate prolonged hunger because I can’t function hungry. Or “Hangry” as the hipsters coined.
3a) I ate too many protein bars and my stomach was so distended I almost bought a pregnancy test.
4) Don’t cry when your children are crying because of long lines, Purgatory humidity and alien baby stomach. It makes you look weak and it will piss off your spouse. Or family, if you thought it would be fun to go as a giant group.( Im not going to comment on “giant groups at Disney” . Ill let you think that through as to whether this invokes fun or “lets go here no lets go here no lets go here no I’m hot no I want to see Cinderella no lets eat lets pee lets cry lets sleep”)
5) Don’t put on self tanner before the big trip. No matter what you do, it will literally streak off in the hellish humidity
6) Don’t look cute. As in, dont flat iron your hair, wear heels or think “oh I just have to wear this ‘adorbs’ ensemble from the Premier Outlets. It will all be ruined within the first hour, and as dumb as I am when it comes to comfortable foot wear, I know enough to wear sneakers to an amusement park. (I did wear pointy heels to walk around NYC, so if you were insulted by #6, less I remind you, I make dumbass shoe decisions all the time)
7) Don’t show intense anxiety for death~defying, no wait death~invoking roller coasters
image

Due to my intense fear and “hell no MY kids are NEVER GOING TO BE TALL OR BIG ENOUGH for that shit” (pictured above..), they are now terrified of all rides. Even the little ones. Yes, my husband blames my ‘outward rolller coaster hatred’ for the kids’ intense anxiety at the tea cup Antarctica ride at Sea world. There was a 10 month year old on the ride, and my 9 year old wanted me to hold him in the ride. My husband could not stop shooting intense looks of disdain my way, wondering too, “Did my wife really NOT get the manual when the kids were born?” No. And I rarely babysat either.
8)Don’t argue. Arguing in the humidity is like trying to blow dry your hair in the rain.
9) Plan out bathroom trips or DON’T drink any water and completely dehydrate your family. Being dehydrated seemed easier than schleping through 780085 mini theme parks (within the one giant park) to pee or know an accident is on its way…which..brings me to #
10) Pack a change of clothes for every age. Even yourself. Even if its a bathing suit. You will be either soaked in humidity, someone will pee on themselves, throw up or something tragic will happen to the CUTE OUTFIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO WEAR
11) Be ready to people watch. I counted 150 daisy duke wearing ladies and lets just say my two piece has More coverage. I ain’t mad at cha, if you got it flaunt it and I think it appeased my husband’s irritation at my incessant belligerence towards my protein~alien~baby~ Sigourney Weaver ~stomach problems.
12) Dont think the kids will want to go out for thai food and sushi after 15 hours at an amusement park. SCRATCH that. Dont think anyone will want sushi and thai food, except for this alien babied stomach protein bar eating fool.

Okay, again, I can’t proofread this for a few days because word press HATES my phone and vice versa. So don’t hate the playah, hate the game.

image

 

Disclaimer:

Please do not read this blog for etiquette tips or how to properly host a Southern Living type soiree or have tea and mint julips with Southern ladies on the back porch. I mean, I assume you kind of guessed that by the picture that starts of the blog, but just in case there is ANY confusion, this blog does not provide any Southern Hospitality /Southern Living magazine type of guidance, oh and neither does the song.

Its Spring here in Georgia and when its spring I listen to Southern Hospitality, Ludacris (stop highlighting his name in red spellcheck person, that’s how he spells it!!) Style on my playlist. Essentially I am not “Overall Georgia”¬† because I was raised in New England, so I have no earthly idea why I turn into a rapper when I’m jogging\walking while I got my jammed up beats just MURDERING my ear drums.¬† Hip Hop/Rap music or whatever you want to call it, moves me, to move.¬† If I need to exercise, I play it. If I need to clean the house, I play. If I need to go to the grocery store, especially in the spring and my windows are rolled down, Oh YEAH I crank it loud. So loud in fact,¬† I tweeted on the subject matter:¬† I luv that my bass is so loud it draws looks of concern. (hasthag! Bass, beezintthetrap, momswagger, momhumor smiley face emoticon)

Technically I am not DTP by jogging through my neighborhood with my dre beats glued into my innner ear canals. (disturbing the peace, term coined non other by the illustrious man pictured above, and am I supposed to capitalize Dre Beats?); yet sometimes, I wish I was DTP.¬† Not in a war~like manner, more in a less~anxiety~ridden~housewife~in~the~suburbs~omg~why~dont~my~kids~listen~to~me~ever….type manner. ¬†¬† As in, I need to freaking relax a little. I’m wound up pretty damn tight when it comes to all the “hously” chores and keeping my kids in~line. I need to lay off a little bit and essentially just join in the DTP mode with my gremlins whose motis operandi is to DTP at all costs.

Again, herein lies the oxymoron, polarizing¬† personality within my soul.n I love extremely boisterous, or as the hipsters and youth pinpoint as “ratchet” music. However, I try to mediate every morning, and I cannot concentrate on any task if my kids are being “RATCHETLY” loud.¬† It makes zero sense to me either as¬† I tweeted yesterday “the rebirth of the BASS EXPLOSION in the springtime, is as intoxicating as the spring birdies”. I guess that truly sums up my personality, if one were have to tweet a 140 character summation of character.

Currently, the song I listened to on repeat today is “GET BACK” by Ludacris.¬† In a nutshell, the moral of this song is “GET BACK GET BACK YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE THAT”¬† , well take a listen. If you dislike profanity, maybe listen to the edited version.¬† It’s a fabulous song if you are feeling boxed in and need some space.

I’m drawn to this song right now because I feel like everyone all up in my grill, lately. My woman’s group I attend to glean spiritual placidity¬† (without sanctimonious religious overtones infused with hellfire & brimstone) would frown upon my “back the eff off” disposition; however writing is my salvation and maybe loud bass thumping music, “DTPing” in my ears, is MY salvation for peacefulness right at this very moment. I know right, I simply could not be more polarizing if I tried.

Well, as the “Stay Thirsty my Friends”, dude and Ludacris says, in so many words..May you forever keep disturbing the peace in a manner that brings YOU PEACE. Peace Out Bitches.