Oh it’s that time. the Holiday Hoedowns. Secret Santa Elephant Tree Recycle Gala. The” WHEN DID I SIGN UP TO DO THIS?” The, “Should I even try to add WHOLE wheat flour to the Christmas baking again so I can be rejected by my family and end up sobbing with a bag of cookies in the corner?” The “WHY AM I BAKING? because the kitchen looks like an episode of the ‘Blindfolded Chef searches for a Bachelor who can cook”
Due to my ADHD-OCD tinged with the incessant need to plan, pre-plan , over-plan, cancel plans – juxtaposed with my spontaneous and carefree nature, all recorded in hand- written calendarS, glitter adorned journals, smart-phone-gratitude -app-journals, sticky-note-hoarding-piles and this gem:
What was that phrase someone EMBLAZONED ON A GIANT PILLOW FOR ME “Keep it…Keep it…oh darn, what was it (simple.)
November 20th I volunteered to help out with a science experiment at my son’s school. I failed all lab experiments in College so I should be a beneficial asset. .. Maybe driving around listening to Journey and Rob Base in my friend’s car with the really LOUD speaker system, during lab, wasn’t the best use of my collegiate time.
November 21st the 56790th orthodontist appointment this month. My son’s expander fell out of his mouth. He denies any starburst consumption as the cause. (‘Da Dun’ SVU music playing..)
November 22nd Nutcracker practice. I ignored all emails from Dance Director because I assumed vicariously living through my children through Hip Hop Dance Class would translate into non-Nutcracker performances because If it were my Dance Studio, I would do the whole Run DMC Christmas in Hollis Queens Dance Recital, yet maybe why I do not own a Dance Studio. #bizloandenied. Seriously, I am excited for them to be apart of The Nutcracker, sometimes the facetious nature of pointing out my idiosyncrasies, sounds way too sarcastic and flip.
November 23rd, same thing as above but I also have written “Truck $4382648732649873687264 payment”,hmmm, what could that mean?
Week November 24, my husband informed me we would be leaving for his Mee Maw and Pee Paws EARLY this vacation week because ‘I needs to get to cookin’.’ No I’m just kidding, he did not say this 1950s , stereotypically Southern phrase. He did say we were leaving early, I missed the rest of what he said because the previews for ‘Mocking-JAY-part-1-of-56-HungerGames-omg-jlaw-is-literally-so00000amazing‘ was on the television.
- Additionally, TAKE beautiful candid pictures next to cool barns and pastures, in hipster outfits with our Soap Opera messy-gelled- straight-curly with feathery wisps – gently cascading in the wind and ostensibly, in front of our face, but not – “OMG-PLEASE-GET-YOUR-HAIR-OUT-OF-YOUR-FACE-FOR-THE-PICTURE!!!” — for Christmas cards. Or see what the Kardashians cooked up this year and try to imitate that Goth masterpiece. I love how my computer tries to spell check Kardashian to Guardianship.
December 3rd some kind of appointment for some child in my house AND I signed up to be a Secret Santa helper on the same day on purpose for some reason. I think I actually wrote “intentional” on my calendar.
December 4th, a bunch of automatic payments are coming out of our account because it’s all red and highlighty on my calendar, wait I thought all payments were frozen to boost Holidays sales because that is the primary purpose of the season, cash-money.
December 5th USA? what does that mean? or USAA? ok, o think we owe them something monthly, maybe that thing that protects us from being sued if we drive horrendously in parking lots.
December 6th Dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker AND My daughters chorus concert…rest Assured, I have emailed all affected Directors and thoroughly explained my scheduling plight in grave detail, because essentially, all of these concerts and recitals are ABOUT ME and ONLY ME and collaterally pertains to the scheduling of my family.
December 7th. The NutCracker. It’s gonna be Crunk.
December 8th “alkajdfp987349823″ I can’t read my handwriting. I think it’s someone’s birthday. Oh Snap, my sisters birthday is the 6th. and the 16th. and the 12 and maybe the 8th. I have 3 sisters, so . carry the 1 and…. Usually I just send them their birthday cards when I send the Christmas cards which are all late. It’s the thought that counts.
December 11th. Help a teacher out. Bring in Kale/Quinoa/gluten–dye-soy-dairy-air free Holiday PinTree-cakes drizzled with wheat grass infused compote.
December 13th an appointment on a Saturday? WHO IS THE KEEPER OF THIS CALENDAR?
December 14th. 34500000 sticky notes on the fridge on how I really need to get shopping and wrapping. wrapped up.
I also bookmarked some article in Huffington Post titled “The disease of being over scheduled?” Maybe I will read that in between unknown doctors appointment and Secret Santa on December 3rd. Happy Holidays (Which, as a phrase, is a hot-trending-topic right now on Social Media, get the popcorn out….. )