let me break it down:
1) Armageddon of arts, crafts & !$@## . this pic doesn’t do it justice. I dumped it all downstairs & hubby turned on a Mark Wahlberg movie THEN he cut me off from Markie mark because I was just sitting in a pile of art supplies with my mouth gaped open watching tv.
2) a lonely bin of crafty crafts that will not stay like this.
3) the door to this cabinet used to be the door to an episode of hoarders.
4) all the misc &^/#! that needs a home.
5) games in the coffee table container thingy majig that annoys me , due to its massive size versus lack of functionality & the fact that my kids hide their vitamins and trash in it.
Archive for the ‘comedic writing’ Category
Tags: humor in parenting, parenting humor
let me break it down:
Tags: disconnected, humor in parenting
I have been struggling to keep up with word press and blogging so I apologize if I haven’t seen comments or read blogs in a while!!
If I had less ——(I can’t think of a word to capitalize on what exactly less of I need to write more..), I could write all day , but then I would have nothing to write about because my life is the antithesis of boring, which I am grateful for in every single way. My point is, I’m hard on myself because I feel “behind” on my writing and book but it simply comes down to a catch-22 situation. I have adhd, OCD which drives my chaotic time management skills but it’s also the catalyst for my creativity.
A therapist once asked me in a session “Scrappie😆, do you think most Moms spray their child’s backpacks down with lysol everyday after school?”.
I have come a long way since my lysol-backpack-spraying-clorox-hoarding days, but I have a long way to go when on comes to truly letting go some of the control-mechanisms that I thought kept me sane for so long.
Yesterday my son said “You complicate answers to yes or no questions and you provide too much information”. He’s nine. I’m 42. He gets my brain which is amazingly wonderful but also undeniably frustrating when I am trying to discipline and set guidelines because he mashes on my buttons like a two year old in an elevator on a high rise.
that’s all I got. disjointed. a mess. unedited. done.
Tags: children, chores, empowering mom, empowering parents, humor, kids, moms supporting each other, parental decisions, parents who support each other, sahm, sahp, working mothers
When the topic of “child-rearing” comes to the forefront, I get hot and prickly. Instead of turning the air conditioning to 50 or moving myself into the grocery store cooler, I decided to write about it because writing is my therapy, it’s my release, it’s how I control my Rolodex brain.
The inspiration for this blog? I recently read an article about how the Whooping Cough was an epidemic in California and in the blog it stated it was a direct result of people choosing to not vaccinate their children. (see link below). What was so incredibly disturbing about this blog, was the parents’ vehemence towards each other on the topic. Especially the pro-vaccination side, and I’m pro-vaccination. I was appalled at how nasty the comments were towards the people who do not vaccinate. Yes, it distresses me that diseases are coming back and some say that scientific evidence has proven that it to be a direct result of people not vaccinating their children. All I can say that is if my child contracts a deadly disease, as a result of being around un-vaccinated children, and I vaccinated my children, I would be incredibly upset and want to point my fingers in a thousand directions.
However, lately, I decided, when I get inwardly steamed about a controversial subject, I am trying to do the opposite of overreacting and commenting wildly on Facebook. (you know you have done it..:) . I am trying to bring my inner Dali Lama to the forefront and find a medium in which we can agree to disagree and really try to support each other as we raise our children in this world.
An additional caveat inspiration, the petition to comb Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s daughter’s hair was the most ridiculous criticism of another person’s parenting I have seen in a while, maybe in my life. I don’t care who they are, they are human and the paparazzi is ruthless. Leave that child alone.
As a society, I feel like parents; women especially, could do a much better job in supporting each other when it comes to how parents chose to provide for and raise their children. There are 500 different scenarios, and I do not think I have to list them all out because any parent that’s pouring love out of their heart to raise their children is a parent I support. Why does it have to be a competition? Why are SAHP (stay at home parents) cast as a certain stereotype and working parents cast as another? There are perks and insurmountable obstacles of all types of scenarios in raising kids. It is difficult enough to raise kids, without some blogger, polemicist or negative Nancy poking holes in your juju. (no disrespect to Nancy, it just went with word negative) I have worked since I was 11. I worked upwards of 18 hours a day before I had kids. I worked part time on three separate occasions after I had kids, and I simply could not make it work with my husband’s schedule. Why is the SAHP cast as the unproductive bon bon eating stereotype? Why is the working parent cast as a stereotype that doesn’t nurture their children as much as the SAHP?
I parent the way that I do because it feels right in MY gut, and below is a list of what I think we as parents can do to support each other in parenting:.
For the record, I have probably criticized every one of these items in my head or out loud. Through some personal growth, I am realizing that when I criticize another person in general, my own inner insecurities are rearing their monstrous head. My criticisms of anyone or anything, has everything to do with my issues and little or nothing to do with their issues. My point, stop throwing stones in the glass house and start using some Windex together.
1) How many extra curricular activities (I.e. sports) their children are involved in and Thankfully , because of some of the work I have done on myself, I’m less likely to parent my children based on “comments” made by other parents.
2) How a parent disciplines their children. Aside from physical, emotional abuse and neglect, how you (or as a family unit) chose to discipline your children is YOUR BUSINESS. You are in the shoes 24/7, not the onlooker.
For example, helping a parent who lost sight of her child for fifteen seconds (rather than scolding them with looks of disdain or remarks of disapproval) may be a better approach in a situation where you truly feel like a parent can benefit from your help or advice. This actually JUST happened to me today. A small child ran away from his Mom and I happened to be there to catch him before he went into the street. The Mom was sprinting, breathless, panicked, distraught and terrified. I simply said “is this little guy yours?” smiled warmly and joined their hands. If it hasn’t happened to you, then you are lucky. Toddlers are fast and we are human. My point is, most parents know when they effed up, so giving them “tips” or making “comments” usually isn’t helpful. At all.
3) STAYING HOME TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said.
4) WORKING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said. Both scenarios have their pros and cons. Stop trying to win the argument because there should not even be an argument anymore. It takes a Village.
5) BEING A SINGLE PARENT. Enough Said. I know my Dad struggled with this feat for many many years.
6)Being A Gay Parent. How is “gayness” affecting the child? or your child? If you associate being “gay” with being perverse, that’s your problem.
7) Home Schooling your Children. Sending your Children to Private School. Sending your children to Public School. I personally could not home school my children because I substituted as a preschool teacher and I learned very quickly that it’s simply not in my DNA and I would be performing an injustice to their education.
8) What type of religion , if any, is taught in the home. I do my best to teach my children what I know, I bought them “cartoon-esque” bibles so they have a basic understanding of Christianity, but essentially it is their decision to believe in what they want to believe in for themselves. I believe in a Higher Power of my understanding, I want them to come to understand what that means to them on their own terms.
9) How many chores your kids do around the house or if they earn an allowance. Again, you are not in the parents’ shoes 24/7, you are the onlooker. What works for some , may not work for others.
10) I’m backtracking a bit, but breastfeeding. I did not breastfeed, I tried and had to stop. No, I am not going to buy another mom’s milk over the internet or even next door. Yes I do know how fabulous it is/was for the baby. I applaud the women who breastfed and breastfeed. The people who are not breastfeeding or did not breastfeed DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS and “BREASTMATION” (projectile vomiting of information on breast milk). Save it for your Breastfeeding groups and people who want to hear the information. I speak from experience and most moms I know who also did not breastfeed, DID NOT COME UPON THE DECISION LIGHTLY. Many tears were shed over my decision to formula feed my children.
OKAY ONE MORE 11)
JUST BEING THEMSELVES. I am around a lot of moms. The most common thing I hear is that they are so tired of being judged and tired of feeling like they are losing themselves in what other people THINK they should be doing. Why are we so damn hard on each other, aren’t we hard enough on ourselves??? Whether you are a strict parent, a funny parent, a fly by the seat of your pants- parent, cook three meals a day for your kid parent, kids were potty trained at 18 months or 5 years, parent (which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with you..so stop stressing if you are potty training right now, the child I spent less time agonizing over, was the child who trained quickly and had less issues) organized pintrest guru parent, handy parent, dramatic parent, etc!!! , I think the worst thing we can do to each other as parents is criticize each other!
Have you hugged another parent today?
* Article on Whooping Cough
Tags: balance, calm, calming, freedom, happiness, jim gaffigan, joy, moderation, peace, peacefulness, serenity
In a world that screams “be better, faster, stronger, thinner, happier, healthier, smarter, bouncier, boingier, etc”, we become our own worst critic. I believe in change, but not when it threatens the acceptance of who we are at our core of beautiful personalities, which makes us special, unique, quirky and dynamic.
The most tumultuous battles I fight are with myself are because I’m not measuring up with what “I think” people need me to be doing, saying or being at this very moment. “PEOPLE PLEASING” is a disease and it can literally kill your soul, your creativity, drive addicts to use again, incite aggression and make people mentally breakdown. I know from experience that when I am not being true to myself and my beliefs and I’m “buying in” to what other people are “selling” (metaphorically and literally) and I am not listening to my gut instincts, I end up in situations of regret and resentment.
Yes, we absolutely need to be considerate, kind and strive to help out our fellows. It is the times when we extend ourselves to others in full self abandonment, we end up on an empty gas tank forgetting to “fill~up” the most important person in the relationship equation, ourselves. Self ~ Love does not mean becoming a doormat for others and saying “yes” to every request and demand. People who truly love us want us to say “No” or let our voices be heard. People who thrive on YOUR “people pleasing”, are not loving you, they are using and manipulating you to gain something for themselves.
So why is Funny Lady Scrappie-Momma being so serious? I have been doing a lot of soul~searching, trying to find the real cause of my anxiety. I , like many, suffer from anxiety, depression and “projectile~future~vomiting”. Trust me , its LIGHT YEARS better than it was in my twenties and even thirties. The truth is, the more peace I feel daily, the more PEACE I need to feel daily, and to shut the mental wars in my mind that occur in my brain. I can create a tornado of distress in the middle of a sunshine filled day if I do not keep the “projectile~future~vomit” “inner voices in check.
I grew up with a lot of chaos. I finally provided a glimpse of my horrendous foster care and schizophrenic Mom stories with my son and his response was “Wow, Mom you are the most interesting person I know!”..Wow, what a revelation, rather than feeling shame or trepidation from my roller coaster childhood, I have amazing knowledge, strength and passion I can share my story in hopes to help others overcome barriers to full inner peace. (book!) For me, when I feel peace, my brain is wired to say “OH SNAP, THIS SHIT ABOUT TO GET REAL, WAIT FOR IT SOMETHING INSANE ABOUT TO POP OFF BRO” (because my inner voice is most definitely a hip hop artist) . The reason my brain is wired like this is because for thirty years, it’s exactly how it happened for me!
In my childhood and through adulthood something “popped off” every one, two, to three years without fail. In a mirage of inconsistency, the one driving constant for me was turbulence. Foster care, death, suicide, divorce, alcoholism, anorexia, etc. etc, either circumstantial or of my own , and at the time I thought, innocuous creations. After 18, I definitely would subconsciously create sabotage, drama and mayhem because I thrived on burning the candle with a million ends. I use the terms innocuous and subconscious because I had developed my very own PHD from the”auto-pilot-drama” academy, where I was the student, teacher and graduate, completely oblivious to the sabotage I created for myself and to those around me.
In closing, this blog post started out as a Facebook post on my blog page I lose people after 140 characters and it took on a venue of its own. The only goal I have for myself is to do things that bring me PEACE. I SIMPLY cannot be the Mom trying to outpace other Mom’s in whatever societal race we have created to raise Super Children. I cannot buy into the sensationalistic articles ( if you read them all, which I did for two years as a “health~coach”) ,after all deductions and conclusions of said reading, I surmise facetiously, Organic Kale is the only food that won’t kill us. As Jim Gaffigan so eloquently stated in his recent stand up Obsessed, “Kale tastes like bitter spinach and hair”, and after MANY attempts to try and like Kale, I have to agree. I just don’t like kale.