Archive for January, 2014

I used to think I needed to work out harder, longer, eat less, eat more twigs, or jump on the latest fintess fad, gadget, parallel bar (have you seen these things??) to get rid of the extras that come with being a mom, getting older and just LIFE!!
  Im grateful that right now at this very moment~Im ok that stuff jiggles on my body (other than the twins up top). Ive fallen in love with myself again. (I do not mean this in the Kayne sense of thangs..I still have my humility :-)). I am ok with exercising like a “normal” person (whatever the hell that means??)  and I do not have to do 1000 burpees if I decide to eat a giant piece of cheesecake.
No, Im not saying I have gone to the other extreme of being completely unhealthy. Im saying I think I finally understand what it means to be moderate and good golly that is not an easy task for the “omg I want to be a superstar~master~athlete~director~of ablogistics” tomorrow because I liked  dance~fighting~aerobics more than I like your average aerobics” (I know no one uses the word aerobics, but my periodontist wrote “no aerobics until pain goes away” and I found that amusing because for my two years emerged in the fitness world that word was used for flashback 80s classes).
My brain does not automatically work in moderation mode. I have to conscious of my actions at all times because extreme (insert electric guitars) was my middle name. Extremely manic or extremely in bed dead. Its no way to live and I can do that to myself if I do not watch “it” ~ no don’t ask me what “it”is because I do not know.
  Healthy is truly a state of mind and it concerns a whole body connection. Ok. Im not dr Phil or Oz, but if I have learned anything its you simply can not enjoy what you are doing if you have to be obessed with the outcome of being perfect or having the perfect body or if “more” is never enough. (More money more “stuff”.) Less is usually more when it comes to a truly healthy, balanced lifestyle AND I DO NOT MEAN THAT IN THE CALORIC SENSE _ remember I just had a GIANT PIECE OF CHEESECAKE!

Be healthy. Find confidence. & shake what your momma gave ya!

I wrote this diatribe on my phone so forgive the typos…ill edit later.


Posted: January 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

My Grandma (gam – gam, gigi, me-maw etc) used to say this ALL THE TIME, pretty much about every conundrum I encountered in life.   At first I was like “g-moms, u knows I don’t iron, uknowwhaimsayin”  but she was all like “naw dawg, i’m talking like carpe-diem type stuff -you feel me?”.  Ok. No. I did not speak to my grandmother like this nor did she speak like Randy Jackson from American Idol; however, she did quite enjoy a tune or two from Boyz To Men; yet,  was kind of pissed off that they spelled “Boyz” wrong as she was an English major.

The reason this saying is so fitting in today’s society is life moves FAST.  Ipods, ipads, tablets, email, gmail, bmail, google +, google -, google play, google guts, chromed out google, dubbed out google, google crunk, edddit,reddit, digg, wigg, bigg, instagram, instaquote, instagoat, and samsung’s line of comically large phones and such means that INFORMATION IS FLYING AT YOU LIKE MAD RHYMES IN THE CYPHER. It never ever stops.  I currently have seven writing, poets, blogger magazines, 8 yoga magazines and 3 ADHD magazines sitting by my bed that I’m too tired to read at night but sometimes I place them under my pillow in hopes that the osmosis of knowledge will filter into the synapses of my brain. (I can do a downward dog without falling progress)

“Strike while the iron hot”, does not mean , burn the candle at both ends and party like a rock star. No Ma’am, it means, celebrate what you have RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.  What’s right in front of you RIGHT NOW?  I have a sharpie (or two), a giant journal, a stack of UN-filed (but paid SON!) bills, and a giant sticky note with the words (DON’T FORGET EOM -CAR PAYMENT COMES OUT, but it’s written like this: ‘eomcarpymtcmesout’ – so I have to squint and work those synapses to decipher the code.   Most importantly,  I’m feeling fabulous surrounded by the clutter of my writing gear accented by the melodic whir of the dyer & kids, smiling with the knowledge that I can hit refresh on the dryer 70000000 more times before I have to fold the clothes.

I really hope you are not reading this article in hopes to glean some fancy ironing tips.  Scrappie Momma does not iron unless its a def-com-five emergency -like a wedding or church with momma in law- and at that point, I’m mercilessly begging my husband or mother n law to help this poor undomesticated soul OUT of the possibility  of ironing more wrinkles IN than OUT>.  I do have one of those steamer things in which I end up soaking the garment in steam and have to wait the next day to wear because well, it’s soaking wet…. Alternatively, I spray too much of the DE-wrinkle-sprayer on the garment and I have a sneezing attack.  Lastly, The refresh button on the dryer only works on the kids clothes, well because let’s face it, I kind of lowered the expectations for the actual definition of “unwrinkled” for my children.  Hey, isn’t that crinkly look in right now? So no. There will be no domestic tips in probably any of my blogs.

In closing – get off that hamster wheel and celebrate the idiosyncrasies of life. Make yourself laugh if you have too. I mean really, you can find something hysterically funny just by looking around your house. Me? I have been known to leave my phone in the fridge. I take my bra off around 4 and hang it on various door knobs throughout the house. I consistently talk to our pet bearded dragon, encouraging him to eat and even waving pieces of kale in front of his nose – while saying “yeah buddy, I wouldn’t eat at either..but I think oreos might kill you”.  The sights and sounds of your own house are a comedy in motion.  Breath it in.  Laugh it out. And go mash that refresh button one. more. time. on. your. dryer!